What do i do?
My ex and I have order's for our daughter (who is 4 in a few months) where she stays 5 nights a fortnight at his house and the rest at mine. For the past couple of weeks she's been saying some odd things about her father and his girlfriend. She says that daddy isn't there when she is and that his girlfriend looks after her, which didnt bother me to start with till a few months ago. First it started as "she touches my bits and I dont like it" (i asked him why she would say that and he said she gets rashes so his gf puts cream on her when he isn't there) then it moved on to "she always yells at me I dont want to go any more" or "she's always mad at me when i do things" now she's saying that "she hits me when im naughty and yells so loud at me, I dont like her and I want to stay here" she even gets so upset she sits in a corner with her hands in her mouth crying, she has even started replacing her dad with my boyfriend by calling my boyfriend dad and her father by his name. I thought it was something she was going through or she was being manipulative over me because as soon as her dad gets here to pick her up she flys into his arms but its been going on for far too long and is starting to concern me. I always tell her that they love her very much and remind her of how many fun things they do when she is there but now after recently finding out from her father that he works long hours while she is there and his girlfriend watches her ive become concerned for her safety. I brought it up with him but he ignores me so I've started filming her when she starts saying these things to show him as proof to show him that my concerns are real!! But what do I do if he doesn't believe me? How do I take it further? I love my daughter and I need this to stop, for her sake.
am i crazy or is she telling the truth
am i crazy or is she telling the truth
Posted in:
Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Health & Wellbeing
12 Replies
Go to the police, take her to a Dr, call dhs... Do anything! I'm sorry but if she is saying "she touches my bits" then yes she us in danger! Serious danger at that! Please call someone today! You have video proof now?! Use it.
And if its not true then at least you found out!
His excuse was she needs cream on them because she gets rashes so she dose it when he isnt there.
Maybe just take her to the Dr first then and tell them? This must be a horrible feeling and I'm sorry you are going through it! But if a child says anything 'funny' like that take it super seriously! Its better to be as safe as you can be! X
Take this seriously. You're not overreacting, it adds up to being really bad, especially because of dad not being there and dismissing it. Tell her she's not to touch her, no reasons no excuses, she can go 4 days without rash cream. She doesn't like it. See if she still does it without permission. You have to protect your child. If it was me I'd be sending a hidden camera in her bag to find out what's happening And I don't care if it's illegal if there's a chance my child is being physically, verbally or sexually abused or mistreated.
I'd be taking her to the doctors. She also shouldn't be getting spanked. I'd be considering getting new orders.
Take her to the doctors, the police, even call docs. Like its been said above just bloody call and see someone, anyone. You are her mum and her voice, make sure to figure this out. There seems to sound like a lot going on there, a lot of things to protect her from.
Oh my god I am so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine how worrying this would be. All I can say (& I'm speaking as a mum with no experience in this area) is that I would absolutely take anything she says seriously & action it accordingly. She needs to know she can come to you with anything and she has your full trust and support. Your poor darling girl I hope this isn't what it sounds like but definitely needs to be investigated.
coming from someone whos child was sexually abused at around the same age, and 4 years on we are still in hiding waiting for "enough evidence" so that the offender doesnt get visitation rights.
order a spy cam off ebay, install it in her teddy or backpack and have that as evidence.
I have doctors reports, psychologist reports, child protection reports, school reports, daycare reports, recordings of her admissions and still it is not enough to have the scum convicted. I know its hard to put her in a situation where she may be in danger again, but the only way to stop her ever having to be in that situation is to have hard proof. And dont doubt for one second what she is saying, a child is always very forgiving
You are not crazy. The things your daughter is saying and the behaviors she is demonstrating are big big red flags. Do not stop making noise until you get the truth. Even if it means breaching a court order, talk to a lawyer and get their advice, if her dad won't listen then you need to find a way to make him listen, show him videos of your daughter crying in the corner, make him see how terrified she is. I've never heard of a 4yr old getting rashes and needing cream, however, if she is getting rashes then her father should be the one doing the cream! If it is more urgent than that then I would think she needs to see a dr about this magic rash that becomes so sever while in the girlfriends care.
I would be going to the police. When my daughter was nearly 4 she told me that her father slapped her across her face. I confronted him and it turns out he actually slapped his partner across the face. I told him it was completely inappropriate behaviour to be doing while my daughter was there and to never touch either of them.
Never the less I called docs and made a report just incase he was lying and she was correct. Nothing has happened since.
Children at that age don't lie. There's always truth in what there saying. Go to the police.
My (then) 5yo niece was touched inappropriately by my ex-sister in laws new husband. It all came out over an innocent comment she made to her dad (my brother) about not touching her "ginny like xxx does" as she was climbing up into the bunk bed. They sat her down and asked questions and it was clear something had happened. It was investigated and they believed he had been touching her and encouraging her to touch him. Unfortunately there wasn't enough evidence to charge him but he is on the child sex offenders register now and he is not allowed unsupervised access to the children. Yes sadly this woman is still with him :-( do not hesitate, go with your gut instinct and follow this up with the police, child services, whatever it takes. Kids lie but not about stuff like that. She has told you because she wants you to know. It doesn't feel right and she wants you to tell her its not and validate her fears. You can do it mumma bear xx