Hi everyone, so me and my now ex partner split three weeks ago. We have a 10 month old together. I left him because he was emotionally abusing me. Always putting me down ect. Now I tried to find accommodation in the town we lived as a couple but I needed my parents emotional help and the rent was too high in the area so I moved 5 hours away. Now we are trying mediation and I think travelling 2.5 hours each is fair but he thinks I should drive 10 hours every Sunday so he can spend a whole day with our daughter. Am I being unreasonable to think we should both drive or is he right to ask me to drive 10 hours every Sunday? I feel confused and just can't take this stress from him. He is still blaming me for leaving ect!
Am i being unreasonable to ask for a fair mediation?
Am i being unreasonable to ask for a fair mediation?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
8 Replies
So he wants you to drive 5 hours, so he can spend the whole day with your daughter and then expects you to drive 5 hours back home? With a 10 month old in the car? You may have moved away but that is a pretty big request. He would have more time to spend with his daughter if you both travelled half way but the problem with that is having to organise somewhere to be for the day. It would make more sense if one week you drove to him and the next week he drove to you. If you could drive there the night or day before and stay over night it would be even easier on everyone as far as the travelling goes. Mediation will help you both to come to an agreement and if not a judge will decide for you. I doubt your ex will get what he wants in the end though. Stand your ground.
Thank you for your comments. Unfortunately I have a Dvo on him so we need to choose one place either his area or mine but he thinks cause I left I have to travel the distance. I don't think he understands the driving puts stress on the baby. I've just Drivin over 3.000 kms in 3 weeks and I'm only 21 so I know how much of a toll it takes on me
Hi,
Going through something similar. I'm on your side & I understand. However your ex could actually request a relocation order to have you back to your original location.
Yes, you chose to leave. In doing so, you've limited the opportunity for your baby to have a relationship with her other parent.
FYI, I know of a couple who relocated to a traditional FIFO location. They split. No work for her in the town, 5 hour flight from her nearest family:/friends. Her and her daughter are now living in the town with no shops etc, no social life and in a caravan as all other accommodation was too expensive.
Not fair? I know, the law is not fair.
Definitely push for him to do half the travel, good luck getting better then that. That being said be fair and considerate of the fact that you were the one who moved regardless of the reasons. Although I was never subjected to any sort of abuse, My ex and I separated prior to our child being born and he refuses to let me move away from our area (we are over an hour from anywhere) and work and rental properties are impossible to find! I got lucky and as a result have a home which I have to pay $500per fortnight in rent! Oh and if you guys end up in court there I sa pretty good chance it will be split evenly or be all on you travel wise.
Why not you drop her off Saturday and he brings her home Sunday, it's not about what's fair on you or him you both are irrelevant it's what's best for ur daughter and 10hrs of driving in one day is a huge ask on a small child allowing her the rest in between would be best for her.
To be honest it sounds ridiculous that you would do all that travelling for a day but i do realise your daughter is quite young. I have just been to court with my ex about similar things. Every situation is different. My ex moved away from the children a few times each time it got further to travel. He is now 6hrs away from me.The court ruled that he do all the driving. There are a lot of things to consider. I have a restraining order on my ex and he also pays only $7.49 per week for his children I would try asking for the travel to be shared. My ex has the children every school holidays for a week except at Christmas they go for 2 weeks and alternate Christmas days. He could have had long weekends too but declined. It is extra difficult if you are not living near the father. In saying that the father could move closer to you. Mediation is a good start.
I recently left my partner for the same reason and he went through this difficult stage too. Even claimed his daughter wasn't his, I was abandoning him, it was all my fault etc. I didn't take his daughter to see him for a month to settle the air. I let him know he was welcome to see her anytime and he knew how to get in touch. He's still trying to control you and he's loosing his control that's why he's acting like that. Yes it's fair you meet half way, if he doesn't like it he doesn't get to see his baby simple
I have not gone through this myself, however I come from a 'split' family.
My Dad chose to move 2.5 hours away due to housing and jobs and the courts still ordered my parents split the driving.
However as my Mum suffers severe night blindness my dad did all the driving but he got long weekends and 3 extra days in the school holidays.