Am I being unreasonable to expect my partner of 17 yrs and father to my kids aged 3,5,7 &13 to put his kids ahead of his needs like drinking and gambling and spending MOST of his free time at the club or in the bedroom watching tv ( don't get me wrong he works 5 days a week for 6-7 hrs depending on what day it is ) I have asked him to put the kids needs before his and make time to play games with them or spend some time with them when he isn't working he says he will do it but he ends up only doing it for a week then just as the kids are enjoying the time spent with them he all of a sudden stops and goes back to his old ways....also I think that he should be able to HELP out around the house like do the lawn & keep the yard clean and gardens tidy and maybe helping keep the house clean ( he makes more mess than the kids do sometimes ) I just want some advice because I'm at my whits end and I think he is being unfair to the kids.....I don't want any nastiness please just advice
4 Replies
Sad thing is most men realise once you leave but then its to late
i think you just have to be on his back as this is important and nothing will change unles he changes
Wow I feel for you lovely. I've been in a similar situation. I gave him plenty of chances, even tried marriage counselling. Trouble is, I call it "little boy in a man's body" syndrome. Men don't change, well they do but only if they want to. He won't take you seriously unless you leave for a while or kick him out whichever is possible.
He should be helping you around the house and you aren't asking too much. Is his family in the picture? Could you talk to either of his parents? I have no advice only that men rarely change, all you are in control of is your actions. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.
His Parents are no better than him they spend a lot of time at the club too and From what I know they didn't do much with him or his brothers when they were kids so there is no point in even talking to them they know how I feel and I think they think I'm an idiot for thinking he should be around his kids instead of at the club.....I have told him before that he will have to leave if things don't change but he said he won't...that's when he starts doing stuff to help and does stuff with the kids and then like I said he all of a sudden stops doing it all and the younger 3 kids don't get upset anymore they get angry and the teenager doesn't expect anything anymore cause she knows it won't last....and for a teenager she spends a lot of her free time playing with the kids or helping me out around the house....I do expect the kids to help out too....I don't expect them to do too much....but she does way more than she should have to and it's not fair I tell her it's fine and that she doesn't have to do some of the things but she just says " well dad isn't going to help you with it is he " :( am I a bad parent for staying and hoping that he will change for longer than a few weeks??
Of course you're not a bad parent for being optimistic. Just draw a line in the sand and if/when the time comes be prepared to follow up with consequences. I would kill to work 6-7 hours a day (not really I love my job but the 10 hr minimum days get a bit rough). I would consider his behaviour - and especially the fact that it is adversely effecting your children - an absolute deal breaker.