My 15 year old stepson came to live with us full time in 2012. After 12 months, he decided he wanted to go home to his mother, because he didn't like our rules. The whole time he lived with us was so uncomfortable for me...he would not speak to me unless he had to, would not look me in the eye, would not have friends over whilst i was home and would tell his friends that his dad's girlfriend was a bitch and would not let him have friends over, but, in fact, I encouraged it. He spent most of his time in his room, unless his father was home. We have a younger daughter he was fantastic with her and they formed quite a bond. His general behaviour and school marks improved immensely while he was with us.
After being back with his mother he has dropped out of school and is now looking for a job. His father had organised one for him, but he f ailed his medical due to testing positive to amphetamines! Now he can't find any other jobs and has asked to move back with us. I have said no, for a number of reasons...I don't want to subject my younger children to drug and alcohol abuse, I don't want to feel uncomfortable in my own home again, and he turns 18 soon, so will we lose all control over him?? Am I being selfish? I now have the guilts...am I ruining this kids 2nd chance at a decent life?
4 Replies
I think you should say yes with conditions. It's bloody hard being a kid from a divorced family and remembering he is still young and is going to behave immaturely, that's what teens do. The rules should be
1. Another drugs test
2. Goes back to school next year or actively looks for work.
I agree, let him back in with conditions. Talk to your partner about this first. You still will have some say when he is 18 especially if he is under your roof. It sounds like this is the time when he needs a positive male role model in his life. If you turn your back now, he may end up worse off. Does he need counselling? He might just be a rebelling teen on the other hand he may have some issues that need sorting.
What would you if this was your own child.
You work it out and make boundaries and rule and accept all kids his yours or ours can be little shits and your there to help.
That the shit part of parentingn when they hate you regardless of blood or step.
When you married the other parent you married the child.
For better or worse I believe .
Stop complaining and step up to the plate and be a good step mum.
Kids get to be pricks and stuff up .
Your job as parent or step parent is to be there no matter what.
You are probably in there eyes proving why he hates.
Once again dad has no control and he has no where to go.
If you can do it, please give this child a second chance. This boy sounds like my brother 10 years ago. He was kicked out of home by our parent and step parent mainly due to drug use at 17. He had no real guidance from that point on and got more heavily into drugs. Years later he was thrown in jail and now suffers drug induced schizophrenia. He is 30 with no hopes for his future. He will probably never get married and have children of his own, he has a mental age of a 15 year old and he is unable to secure any decent work due to his condition. He needs to constantly be near my mum (they don't live together but a few streets apart). It is a very hard and sad situation for us all. Had he had better role models and a bit of hard love rather than getting rid of him to be rid of the problem he probably would have turned out to be a wonderful young man with many future prospects. Now he has none. Please, while you can do something to help him do it. Too many young lives are wasted because people put them into the too hard basket.