A couple months ago I left my partner of 9 years. He had become addicted to "Ice" and our fights became worse, he was violent. I was so stressed out by the changes in his personality and our relationship that it wasn't until I had left that I realised I was pregnant. When I told him I was pregnant he seemed happy and stupidly there was a part of me that wanted to believe that maybe knowing that he would be having a child would start to impact on his decisions to use drugs. It didn't. I remained living with my family. In the weeks after that he began sending me txts abusively telling me to abort, calling me worthless, nothing and saying that it sickened him that I was carrying his child. He said he had met someone else who he thinks of as "the one", that he now knows he has never loved me and that I should just kill myself because it would be better for the both of us (and many more things). Obviously I have had to block this person from being able to call or msg me. After receiving these msgs I have gone into a complete state of depression , I barely want to get out of bed and cry all the time. I have never felt more alone although I have complete family support. Can anyone offer any advice? I honestly feel he doesn't have the right to be in our child's life, am I wrong?
3 Replies
Its ok, you can do this, but you need to speak to your GP as you probably need some help to get back on track and a close eye kept on you. You can totally do this. I have raised my son on my own since he was 6 weeks old. I was just about to turn 21. My son is now about to turn 21 himself. You can move forward, have a good life and you can move past the toxicity of the father.
Yes definitely block him and get police advice regarding potential AVO etc. The abuse might not qualify but its important to know what is and isn't so you know how to respond and what your rights are. Also contact a free community legal service in your area. It was the best thing I did while I was pregnant. They can advise on wether to include the fathers name on the birth certificate and what to do if the father decides to attempt contact with the child (although by the way he is acting it sounds like he wont bother). Make sure you keep the texts as evidence if you ever need them. Yes your child is probably better off protected from this man and I imagine that supervised visitation would be the most contact your child could have with his father.
My heart breaks for you as this was similar to my situation with ex and when I fell pregnant to him. My ex was dependant on ice also and when I found out I was pregnant he turned against me.
He demanded that I go through with the abortion, started to question if he was the father, calling me Every bad name possible and that he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby.
I decided to keep my baby and raise it alone even though I knew it was going to be hard and I'm glad I did.
Being a single parent is hard but you can get through this. Thankfully my ex has never been active in my sons life as he still on ice.
I would recommend speaking to a counsellor or seek advice from your GP immediately. I was able to get through the break up by surrounding myself around friends and family, keeping myself busy with work and joining a mothers group. It was when I was lonely that I would start to think of my ex again so I would play music to keep me distracted and it worked.
There is light at the end of this tunnel but remember to talk to people, if you need to cry please do as this is absolutely natural! Surround yourself around people that make you happy as your baby will need you to keep strong for the both of you. All the best, I hope you are doing better soon and that the rest of your pregnancy is smooth sailing.
I'm soo sorry you're going through this especially while trying to cope with pregnancy hormones that make everything seem a lot worse. I know and understand what you're going through. I left my partner 5 months ago, he was addicted to Ice and was physically violent also. I was 3 months pregnant with my first child and his 4th. I went through my pregnancy without him but had family support. I had a lot of anxiety through most of my pregnancy. You need to seriously consider getting an Intervention Order against him so he can't contact you. You need to think about your baby and do this for the both of you. I have an IVO against my ex and now my daughter is on it too. He breached it and will be charged and if he wants to go to court to have rights to his daughter, it will have to be supervised only. I wish I could talk with you personally, I really think I can give you some great advice. There is soo much help out there for victims of family violence. I have a beautiful baby girl and I couldn't care less about my ex. If you want, send me a message. I would like to help you ?