Hi IMs
I'm really struggling at the moment with my life. The last year has been horrific with an accident at work that is taking me a long time to recover from. My ex husband and his wife broke up after he cheated, which has affected our children. My husband and I also split after a domestic violence incident.
I'm struggling at work as I'm slower on my feet due to my accident. I love my job but feel useless and frustrated with myself. I've been on work cover and on a return to work plan already. My ability to earn penalty rates has decreased significantly and I'm struggling financially. I'm already with a financial institution for help. Today I received word back from the group I have a car loan with and they've rejected my application for hardship. I owe too much on the car to sell it. I need a car to work.
My marriage broke down last year when my husband lost it with the kids and I. It had been building up a long time with him suffering severe depression. He punched holes in the walls and screamed and swore at all of us. My children were terrified, and I will never forgive myself for putting them in that situation. More than 12 months on and the kids still talk about what happened and how frightened they were.
We've all had counselling. I'm on antidepressants. I'm normally a really organised, in control kind of person, but I'm struggling to motivate myself to make dinner.
Please help me. Please say something positive. I feel like I could just check out of life without anyone noticing. I'm so sad. I'm so lonely. I think about my ex husband a lot - I feel like I still love and miss him but I'm disgusted with myself for feeling like this after all he did. I'm trying to fill the gap inappropriately - I have a friend that fills the physical void. He isn't interested in a long term relationship. I forget about my ex for a little while when we're together. Some days I just feel like I'm going insane.
3 Replies
Iam in the same boat as you. Been a really hard 12mths. It sounds like you may need to go back and have some more couseling if only to air your frustrations. In regards to money make an appointment with centre link to go through everything make sure your claiming all you can. Also make sure child support is up to date. If the car loan wont show hardship then other companies will water, power, ect all allow weekly payments if your suffering hardship. In regards to your house write a list of everything that needs to get done start at the top and work through it checking them off as you go then at the end of the day you can see everything you have achieved that day, and if you dont get to the end dont worry it will be their tomorrow. Also try some frozen meals i make full meals once a week and freeze them for "lazy" nights that way we arent tempted into getting take out. Most of all know your not alone everyone does it tough sometimes.
I had a rough year 2 years ago. Sounds like you might need your meds adjusted. Also ask to see a psychologist for ongoing support. I think sometimes you need ongoing support especially when new stressers arise. Psychologists can also refer to other services if necessary. Do you have any other assets you can sell to take the edge off? Would your first ex husband help you out financially at all?
All I can say is you are tough and you can get through it. You've made it this far and you can keep pushing through.
I don't understand what you're going through as I've never been through the things you've mentioned, however I've been through my own battles which have been just as emotionally and physically challenging recently. It's bloody hard being a mum and coming up against wall after wall, whatever those walls may be. But we get through, if not for ourselves, at least for our children.
Find a psychologist who can help. Keep communication open with your GP regarding your medication and how you're feeling. Hug your kids and remind them how much you love them. And once in a while give yourself a hug because you're doing a fantastic job. Remember that above all else. Things may be bloody tough, but you are doing a great job.
Chin up, sending lots of hugs and prayers your way IM.