I need some advice! I'm a single mum to a 14 month old boy. I split from my sons father in November last year. It was an awful break up. I found out he had been having an affair since my son was only 3 months old.
I was (and still am) devastated.
To give you some background my dad cheated on my mum while she was pregnant with my sister. It went on for 9 months before she found out. My parents split when I was two and that is my earliest childhood memory. So the fact this had happened to me and my son is devastating on a very deep level for me.
Fast forward 9 months and I'm working full time, living in my own place and struggling. I've only been back at work four months and I'm exhausted. My son only sees his dad from 9-6 on Sunday's. He is a good dad and I know he loves our son but I'm struggling with being a full time mum and full time worker.
I also still love my ex.
We have been sleeping together on and off since January. I don't know why I keep doing it. I love my ex. I have wanted to work on things to become a family again. He sometimes says he wants that too but his actions tell me otherwise. We constantly fight. Then we get along. He still tells me he loves me but has resentment towards me from when I was pregnant (!) even when I say that was two years ago, he can't seem to let that go.
And.. He is still seeing the woman he cheated on me with.
As I am writing this I realize how ridiculous it sounds. My friends and family tell me to move on and that he's not good enough for me. But I still have a feeling that things could work out.
I feel like I hate my life. I'm 35 and this is not how I wanted my life to look. I want to be married, have a family to look after, I want a career, I want to travel, I want a beautiful home and a dog and another baby. I feel so stuck in Groundhog Day. I go to work, pick up my son, get him bathed and fed and to bed and then I spend two lonely hours on the couch each night. Then I do the same thing the next day. I eat too much takeaway as I'm too tired to cook. I'm overweight. I hate myself. I don't know how to change my life? I don't know what to do? I feel so stuck like I'm waiting for something to change.
I went out for coffee with a guy recently and realized I'm not ready to date. I still love my ex.
How do you move on from the father of your child? How do you do it? I just dont know what to do. I even feel like my counselor doesn't know what to advise me anymore.
I hate my life. I feel so tired and alone.
What should I do? Please help me x
5 Replies
Learn to be grateful for what you have. Learn to love yourself. Learn to be and accept you're alone.
Stop sleeping with him.
He treated you like an option by cheating. He does not love you.
Go out! Meet people! Plan a day or night with friends, dont think about him too much or dwell on your past with him.
You deserve a man who will treat you right, but for now, focus on your child, work and your life!!
Firstly, realise your ex is bad for you. Wasting time stringing you along keeping you stuck where you are. He cheated on you and is still a year later seeing you both .. He's not coming back and honestly that's the good news. But you need to Break contact, break all ties and move forward to find the man that is going to commit himself fully to being part of your honest stable loving family home. what this man is doing to you and your child is so far from that its not funny.
Firstly you stop seeing him. It's hard I know but you just have to put up barriers and stop it. Sleeping with him and playing this round a bout is just delaying the inevitable. It's hard to do but once you gain some traction things will start to get a better.
Could you cut back some hours at work? Do you need to work fulltime?
Have you thought about getting meals like light and easy delivered so you can make some healthier choices without adding to your load?
Why would your ex want to work things out with you when he currently has two women at his beck and call. Time to help your self get your self sorted work out what you want set some goals and work towards that. If wanting to reconcile with your ex is something you want then tell him if he wants you then things have to change, he has to get rid of the other, and commit to relationship counciling.
You have to find a way to love yourself and realise you don't need him! And you dont.
I lost 15kg after separating with my DD's father and started to love myself. You can do anything if you want to mumma.