Hi mums
out of ideas on how to handle the situation. My son is 4 and a half and his father has been out of his like since 6 months old
lately it's the questions about his dad. Why don't I have a dad I just want a dad etc.
he has by himself believed that he has no dad and recently I told him he does have one he just chooses not to see him. Now he wants to know everything.
Just wanting some advice on what to say to him.
There is no way I am getting in contact with the father he chose to walk away pays no child support no nothing
I just feel for my son and it obviously hurts me to
thanks :-)
5 Replies
I found having a strong male role model in my sons life with a 'special name' went some way to easing this anxiety. Because rather than focusing on someone he didn't have he could focus on someone he did have. That for us is a strong grandfather figure with a special name. He steps into all the fathers day events at school etc. Is there someone in your life that could fill that space??
Be very careful how you approach this, kids have an amazing way of interpreting things. So saying your doesn't want anything to do with him kids interpret that as 'I am not good enough/I am a terrible person'. So sometimes a lie is the very best thing to do. So make sure you put it in terms that clear up all doubt 'your Father is still learning how to look after himself, so he knew it was best that Mummy looks after you'. That way you aren't telling him his dad is an asshole because even if they are, kids interpret that as "im the child of an asshole, so there for Im an asshole" and you aren't saying the child isn't good enough.
His grandfather plays a huge role and is awesome with him. He asks if grandad can be his dad which I obviously try to talk him out of it. Encouraging that he has a great grandad who loves him etc. He is just so fixed on having a dad atm.
It's harder as I've got a 10 month old now and unfortunately I split with her dad top ( clearly terrible choice with men) but he takes our daughter which my son is seeing.
Thank you for you reply :-) makes me feel abit better that I'm at least doing something right about it lol
That's rough, I know. My niece is in the same boat. She sees her sister and her cousin go every fortnight and holidays to their dad's, but her dad doesn't want anything to do with her. She took a long time to come to terms with it (and still only being 10, I don't know if she ever fully will). She has built a strong bond with her now stepdad. It took her awhile because she was so set on making distinctions between "real" dads and "step" dads. She is very attached to my dad (her granddad). On the holidays and some weekends when her sister is away, her other aunty will take her for a few days and spoil her rotten and make sure she feels special and wanted.
My kids have a HUGE extended family through the church....even though all my family are minimum of 6 hours away if not interstate
Community groups are great in that way.
I havent been in this position but i would say be open and honest. Does he have a male role model in his life, uncle/grandad/friend? Perhaps answer his questions and then direct the conversation towards the people who are in his life and the great things they do together ect ect. Good luck