I've been struggling to find the words and have typed this up several times only to decide to keep it as short and simple as I can.
My fiancé and I are currently living with my parents as we desperately search for a house of our own. We have nowhere else to go and keep being knocked back for properties.
I absolutely despise my father and have not acknowledged his existence in several years. As harsh as it sounds, he is dead as far as I am concerned.
Problem is, whilst I am still living here, he's been forcing himself into my life. I can put up with his ridiculous lectures about how pathetic I am, and even the infuriating rants about how to raise my son, followed by the judgement when I do things differently then he expects.
But he'll hold my newborn without permission. He won't even care if he's just had a cigarette, he'll wait until my mother has my baby and I'm out of the room, before taking my child from her. (I've obviously stopped leaving my baby with my mother now unless I'm in the room but he still tries every time my mum has a hold, resulting in me taking my baby and walking away.)
I want my child to have absolutely nothing to do with that abusive asshole, which will be the case after we leave.
But I'm worried about the lengths my father will go to when he realises this.
He is insisting on being involved in my wedding, and has basically said he'll be walking me down the isle whether I like it or not. He definitely won't be invited.
So my questions are:
How do I safely stop him from interacting with my child whilst we still live here? How can I stop him from turning up and ruining my wedding? I'm worried he'll come over when my fiancé and I finally get a place without permission. How can I stop him? I'm also worried that he'll become physically violent towards myself and my partner. He recently threatened to punch my fiancé because he and I won't let him near our child. Is there a way to do all of this without losing my mother? I love her and want her to be involved with her grandchild.
This is all driving me insane....
Please no judgement about this. I know I'm 'living under his roof' and all of that bull, but there is a reason why I despite him so much even if I haven't stated it here.
4 Replies
I think you need to decide the boundaries & draw the lines. If he is not an acceptable person, emotionally & also physically dangerous, to have in your life & your kids, then you need to leave. Go and live at a caravan park if you have to, find any way to keep your family safe and away from harm.
If he is ok enough to stay living with then I can kind of understand why he doesn't see why he cant hold the baby or walk you down the aisle. Im not saying he's right, just that you're not being clear with him, continuing to live there is accepting his unacceptable behaviour, its too closely tangled. Make the break & you will be much happier with the whole situation.
Don't know answers about relationship with ur dad but at my wedding we were worried about a curtain someone turning up uninvited. We have a family friend that is a security guard and he guarded the wedding it sounds horrible but this particular person is a really horrible unpredictable person
I don't think there is anything you can do while you are living in his house unless you plan to baby wear. I'm not being judgemental just realistic.
Id be living in a caravan, begging for emergency housing or whatever. If he is abusive job probably do qualify for emergency housing. Once your out then you can cut him out your lives, take out AVOs which you can if he is threatening violence. It's up to your mother wether she is prepared to stand up to him so she can see you and your child without him. Sorry I wish there was a nice answer.
Move out. Get emergency housing etc. Don't tell him u are moving out just pack your stuff and move out.