Warning of possible sexual abuse trigger content.
A family member has been incarcerated for sexually abusing his daughter. He claims he was drunk and doesn't remember anything of it.
His daughter told police that he has taken photos of her and has been naked with her many times. No one has said he has had sexual relations with her.
I am mad as anything at this man for doing this. That said, he is saying he doesn't have a problem and can't figure out why he needs to go into a sexual offenders rehab program. He is sick at the thought of listening to anyone else's stories in a possible group session.
I don't know that I have a question, but I feel so stuck. I am not forced to see him or speak to him, but cannot see how hatred and nastiness would ever help him "recover". That said I'm not knocking my self out to see or speak with him either.
I guess I'm stumped. How do I deal with this? I want to scream at him "you abused your daughter!!!! What on earth makes you think you don't have a problem you idiot?" And the same time, He's not my responsibility and his actions and choices are not for me to direct or advise.
I think he's being an absolute moron, I am furious with him. If he weren't family I am not sure that I'd be speaking to him any more. Yet, it hangs with me, hating him won't help the "recovery" process (if he even chooses to see that he needs help as he clearly has a problem!).
I know its an ugly topic, please
don't be ugly in your responses and add to my turmoil. Just trying to clear up my own head and heart here, not his.
4 Replies
If i had to talk to him itd be pretty clearly to tell him he does have a problem & you know you cant trust him as long as hes saying it wasnt that bad. What a massively ignorant thing to say & for the daughter to have to hear too. Id be pretty clearly on the daughters side & i think the only way id be civil would be if it makes it easier on the daughter. She would always know im on her side though.
So frustrating! Unfortunately his reaction isn't uncommon. He is absolutely in denial. Personally I'd write him a letter explaining how you feel and explaining if he doesn't get real your done with him. If he starts telling you he doesn't need to do the program get up walk out!
Am the original poster. At this point I'm a bit stuck as at least once a fortnight I take his mum to see him. She can't handle the place alone, the whole thing has made her quite fragile, so I stand with her and go in. Thankfully she's got other who will take her too.
I'm not sure how to deal with it. He's done it, he's lied then he's fessed up but says it wasn't a regular thing (like that actually matters!!!!).
If it were legal to punch someone I think I'd do it, right in front of the guards!!!
He floats between denial and acceptance. Thankfully, at his request, he is seeing a psychologist. He was seeing two prior to being locked up. I guess it's a forward step?!
Given my past I wont comment to much on this however I will say that there is no recovery process with pedophiles it has been proven time and time again that people who have abused children can not be rehabilitated. So other than keeping children well away from this man that is the only advice I can give. I hope his daughter is getting some help.