Absent Grandparents

I'm not quite sure how to put this but my mother suffers from untreated mental health issues. She is quite narcissistic in nature and at times we have a strained relationship. I'm a survivor of childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse. My relationship with my mother is often chaotic and unpleasant. She runs either freezing cold or lukewarm emotionally. My kids are almost 6 and 3 and up until now they aren't aware of the complexities of my relationship with my Mum. Living interstate means they are not directly exposed to her behaviour directly. I don't speak badly of my mother or other family members in front of them. They think their nana is the bees knees.

My problem is that for the last two months I haven't been able to get in touch with my Mum. Sometimes the kids want to ring her to share their special news. My son is in prep and occasionally will ask to ring his nana to tell her about things he's doing at school etc. Tonight he wanted to ring her to tell her he's gone up to reading level 12/13 and doing really well with his sight words. She didn't answer her phone, we called twice. Always make sure we ring after we know she's finished work etc and we're mindful of the time difference between the two states. I've sent text messages to which she doesn't reply. My step dad is a bit of an enabler for my mother. She tells him stories which are always embellished to make other people look bad and her the victim or complete lies. He always takes her side. Tonight I sent him a text telling him about my sons progress at school and how happy he is. I text him photos of the kids from time to time, he rarely replies. He works away but always has phone reception. I'm mindful of when I text him because he works day and night shifts. I don't tend to ring him because he's usually too busy and a lot of the time uninterested and unpleasant to talk to. Both of my parents can be nice and pleasant at times too don't get me wrong.

My kids are starting to get upset they don't understand why nana doesn't answer her phone when we ring. She can like photos and status updates on my Facebook page but not answer her phone. We must have tried calling her hundreds of times by now. So far I've been telling the kids Nana must be really busy today that's why she isn't answering the phone. If you've been in this situation before how did you deal with it? I suppose with time they'll realise what's really going on. I feel sad for my kids but I feel a bit sad for my mum too. She's the one who is missing out.

Maybe the kids just need a surrogate grandmother or Grandpa to share their special news and stories with.