Apologies. Long.
Hi IM's this mama is desperate and needs some urgent help. My husband and I have 2 children 15 yr old daughter and 8 yr old son. Earlier this year we moved to Hervey Bay (well hubby and the kids are up there I stayed behind for work but visit every other weekend). Since being up there our son has gone off the rails. We are strict parents when it comes to discipline and behaviour. We are parents to our kids not friends. but we are totally stumped and have no idea where to go right now.
In 6 months he has gone from being and A/B student to C's and D's, he has started lying, stealing (we busted him stealing from stores), being down right defiant, miss behaving at school, not doing school work or even putting in any effort, and most recently (as in just today) we found out he had hidden his report card for over 3 weeks.
I need help!
I realise some of this is probably him acting out because of the change in situation but this cannot continue. We have tried taking things (toys, electronics etc...) off him, grounding, removal of all privileges, treats positive reinforcement, star charts, exercise it just keeps getting worse he just doesnt seem to get it and we are at our wits end, especially my husband who is dealing with this all by himself.
IM's please tell me we arent alone in this and it will get better and if you cant tell me that please help me to find some rescources that might help.
5 Replies
Child psychologists are awesome at coaching parents through situations like this. They can help you find a consistent approach that works. Which is probably a much better than trying 100 different things we suggest when we don't really have all the details. Is it possible your a little too strict? Some kids figure they are going to get in trouble anyway so I might as well do something worth while!
Ive had a similar situation with my 9yo son over the past couple of years, its been up and down.
Ive put it down to the big dramatic changes in his life eg; his father leaving, new school, new friends, things like that.
He had gotten so bad last year that his school counsellor and teacher requested he start a counseling program that's run through "Child First" and they do visits at the school once a week. It helped him so much being able to discuss with someone else the things that were bothering him.
He now has a diary that she would ask him to write in whenever he wasnt feeling too happy thats surprisingly been good.
He also does a "LAP" program also run through the school once a week.
he is now alot happier and not misbehaving dramatically.
We dont see it but not having a parent around as often as they are used to can change them in a big way, not to mention a new school, new house, new friends.
Your son could just be acting out because your not there as much any more and maybe he thinks it will make you come back.
Thanks for the tips. I will certainly see if his school has that program available.
Just to clarify though my husband and I haven't split up - its more like a FIFO situation where I go to work and visit every other weekend. Ee have thought about him acting out because I'm not there though.
My workplace offers an Employee Assistance program which offers counselling so am looking into that as well. :-)
Hi there. It sounds like you have your hands full at the moment. I am a primary school teacher and usually when behaviour like this starts to show there is often an underlying reason. Moving can be a massive thing for children, especially when they have been completely uprooted from the life they know and are adjusted to. My own son also went off the rail a year ago. Although his behaviours were a little different, I knew something was up. I enrolled my son in a 'seasons' program that the school was running. Most schools will offer this program, and it is a chance for children to talk about or just listen to other children who are going through changes in their lives. They discuss a whole spectrum of feelings and strategies to cope when they are feeling certain ways. It is also an opportunity to open up to someone who is not immediately part of your family. This may not be suitable for your boy, but perhaps it might be worth looking in to? For now, although frustrating, try to be patient with him as he finds his feet in his new life. Good luck, and I hope it all works out for you.
Thank you so much for your advice. I will definitely look into that.
I have been in touch with my workplace about our Employee Assistance Program and he is covered under that for counselling.