My 6 year old step son is having some dramas and neither me or his father know what to do. He lives with his mother majority of the time and we have him 1 weekend out of the month. I know not much but my husband works away. My husband will still call him every few days for a chat, ask how school is going etc. this past week my step son has refused to speak over the phone. His mother said that he said "if I speak on the phone that means I'm going there and I don't want to do that because I hate the cat and Aiden pulls my hair" (Aiden is our child together and his half brother) we told his mother that he loves the cat when he is here and Aiden is only 18 months old and is trying to play. He then said that his (half) sister who is a few months older then Aiden pulls his hair, but she is allowed to because she is his friend. We try to have a good time whilst he is here, we are always going out, he loves the beach and the park etc. the last time he was here was for his birthday weekend. We bought him some expensive toys, clothes etc, stuff for him to keep here and he replied with "is this all I get?" Threw everything on the floor and sulked in his room. Is this normal behaviour for someone his age? He gets spoilt rotten by his mother and we just don't have that type of money. My husband is clearly very upset about it all, and I'm upset as well seeing my husband so shattered. He has told the mother that he won't call anymore but to let him call when he is ready. Did he make the right decision or should we force him to talk?
4 Replies
I'd keep calling. He needs to know that his dad still loves him and is there for him even if at this time he is angry at his dad. Does dad spend any 1:1 time with him? This is hugely important and often gets forgotten in blended families. And yeah it must feel quite weird to the boy only seeing his dad 1 weekend out if the month. It's not really enough to feel like it's his home too. Also kids don't always express themselves appropriately so will chuck a tantrum over something but they are really tantruming over a bigger issue.
Despite your husband working away why can't your step son still come every 2nd weekend? Yourself, his half sibling and step sibling are still family. Once a month is just not enough imo. If he is seeing you all more often he will likely bond and settle.
Perhaps instead of calling and talking on the phone try video call it maybe alittle more expensive but maybe gave to face he will talk more to his dad
He has done the right thing - my hubby has two daughters who he used to call every week at the nominated time and they kept hanging up or not wanting to talk etc - he describes it as his heart breaking over and over again to the point where he blocked them all out and spiralled into depression - don't push the issue