Im after some advice on what IMs think is right for custody arrangements of an almost 3yo child?
Recently, my sons dad and I separated. So far, care arrangements have been worked out between us. I shiftwork five on five off which includes nights and days. Dad has our boy when I'm at work and I get him on my days off.
Is five days too long for a 3yo to be away from his mum? I Strongly believe that dad has a right to equal care for our son (he's a decent dad), but I'm getting a few indications that my son misses me after a few days even though I call him at bedtime (daycare said he cried for mummy, and dad called me at work because my son was sad). He's a pretty resilient little fellow and doesn't ask about dad much when I have him. He doesn't seem sad then or at other times when I talk to him.
I just feel so guilty that our separation and current care arrangements aren't good for one so young? The separation wasn't my idea and although I am civil I don't want a lot to do with my ex because he cheated.
Should I stop shiftwork? And if I do, what sort of care arrangement would be best? I miss my son a lot and so the shiftwork keeps me distracted at the moment (it's still early days since the separation).
2 Replies
It sounds like dad was pretty hands on before the separation so Id keep things as they are. There will always been some teething problems no matter what the arrangements are. At some point dad will be the one who is missed because kids change who they want from time to time.
This is going to sound horrible. Don't ring him every night, it reminds him he misses you. I have had shared care of my daughter with my ex since she was 2 (she is now 6 nearly 7). She is fine and happy if I don't call when she is with him. If she asks for me, her Dad will call any time. Same when she is with me if she wants her Dad. We have a 60/40 division of time due to his work commitments. She copes so much better since we stopped the 'bedtime' phone calls when she was just over 3. When we were doing them she was devastated every time, and the handover was a nightmare. Even if she goes away with her Dad for a couple of weeks in the holidays - no calls unless she initiates. SO hard for me as Mum, but she is a lot more settled. Just my experience with my child :)