Friends - Just feeling low and had to get it out

This is a topic that most likely has been brought up many times - but I just needed to vent and I feel like if I put this elsewhere it’s seen as just a “feel bad for me” kind of post or if I speak about it it’s like a poor me conversation.

I just feel like I’m that person that people are ok to be around but not the person people seek out to do things. I don’t feel good enough….. I’m not interesting enough or fun enough…… and it’s been this way since I was in school (I’m very close to 40 now)

I try and organise things, invite people but it’s always a no, people cancel last minute or I just get stood up and it honestly makes it hard for me to invite anybody to do anything anymore because I just automatically think they’ll just say no anyway or I’m too scared to because when I do ask and the no comes, I just feel shit.

I see my “friends” out doing things all the time and I get disappointed. The person who calls herself my best friend has been living a couple of hours away now for a few years and I feel like I am always the one making contact or making the effort to go to her and it’s never reciprocated and I just feel tired of it.

Then my husband is talking about his big 40th and then planning mine and all I can think is - don’t bother about mine it’s not like I have anybody apart from us and my parents who would come anyway. He has people who will come from across Australia for his, everyone he meets loves him and I love that but also I can’t help but feel a bit jealous of it sometimes.

Anyway. Rant over. Guess I’m just having one of those moments where I feel really down on myself and low.