PLEASE ENSURE THIS IS ANONYOMOUS!!! 😭💔
I'm so nervous to put this in black and white. I'm asking for advice on separation. I want to get my mind clear and know what to do so I can ensure im making rational decisions for my children and myself and partner. Can anyone recommend where I go and what type of questions I should be asking a lawyer.. ??? Im terrified to do this alone but I'm so depleted and depressed.
We have 3 kids and a house we bought in 2019. I've been a stay at home mum for about 7yrs all together in our 20yr marriage. A lot of information below, not really needed but noone to support me.
I'm not in a domestic violence situation, although i feel he's chipped away at my confidence due to his own insecurity. We have been having councilling for 12 months. I've tried so hard and was very attracted to him in the beginning with my rosie glasses on. I have always initiated intimacy. I've stayed with my husband to protect my children from our extended family. (My mother, long story not needed) My husband is very quiet and not a masculine protector, and terrible at communicating. He's passive, a good worker but vacant personality overall. I have stood by him even when I felt abandoned, I wanted us to work so badly and for a stable future. Councilling has helped bring out the family issues and resolved a lot but there is no love from my husband, no surprises, admiration and never was, there was no 'honeymoon' stage, no passion. He told me 10yrs after we were together he has an addiction to porn. I thought he was exadurating and I ended up falling pregnant with our 3rd child. He has never watched porn with me or wanted to. I don't have any issues with some stimulation, but he's not interested in exploring this together. He told the councillor basically its his "dirty little secret"...and doesn't want me stained (more or less) I've stayed like I said for all the reasons a woman can think of, financial, protect kids, thinking he will change. He is quite overweight now and nothing I say encourages him to want to be healthy. He used to snap a lot, was aggressive and defensive at everything but therapy has helped that. I'm fit, workout and have always tried to stay slim after my pregnancies. All for me, him and the kids. They all motivate me. It's not the first time I've asked my husband to seek therapy for his addiction. He's now seeing his own person as well as our couples councillor.
I just don't know what to do and struggle on a daily to live with him and still when we go a month without a session I'm talking myself into accepting us. I don't know what he's going through with addiction, but I'm fed up with it and at times i have severe anxiety when Im alone.
I've battled feeling so rejected inside. I think my husband liked me because I was confident, wanted sex and so affectionate in the first years, always gave him compliments but I never got it in return, I assumed he would learn from me, I gave him space and patience because he'dnever had previous partners but I had. I cried when I knew he was never going to change. He's joined a gym again but hasn't been over xmas, I can't make him go. We, the family don't motivate him. Nothing seems to. I expect him to change but my patience is so exhausted. The weight on my shoulders feels so overwhelming.
Basically I just need to know, can separation be easy.. I need a positive and a solid plan. I'm flowing along and starting to feel like I'm wasting my life daily. I just want to see a lawyer before the nerves send me around the bend. Is there questions I should ask? I only have a few thousand saved. I have 3 kids that need me to be stable and a home to provide.. I don't want to be left with nothing, god forbid homeless. I'm so nervous and emotional to be doing this. I don't know where to start.. please help and spell it out for me 🙏
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