My son's dad met his new partner in 2018, and this is where it went downhill. Not even three months into their relationship, she was pregnant. Then the fortnightly visits with his son from Friday to Sunday slowly stopped because our son would get sick, vomiting the second night. In mid-2019, I decided to stop the Friday to Sunday sleepovers and suggested every second Saturday for a day visit.
In 2020, things started to go downhill again, and it was always, "Dad is sick," or "Someone is sick because of COVID," or I got no replies at all for months on end.
For the last three years, Dad has seen his son three times, or once a year.
Now we're almost at Christmas, and he'll probably see his son once again.
I don't want to contact him anymore. I've already contacted him twice, for Father's Day and now their birthdays. Dad's birthday and my son's are a day apart, and honestly, I'm really thankful I didn't have our son on his Dad's birthday, and my son can celebrate his own birthday.
Dad is yet again, not replying.
We only had a verbal agreement. Do I even need to contact him?
I get angry just messaging him.
2 Replies
I've been through this with my own kids and it's heartbreaking watching that happen to your child. I honestly believe parents that do this should be charged with abandonment and emotional abuse because that's what it is.
Do you have any other male relatives or friends that can step up and spend a bit of time with him. My ex was the same.
So my advice is to put the onus on him to make the effort. Tell him straight and in writing including the attempts that you have made. Then say that from now on it is up to him and that you will no longer be pressuring him to stay in touch with his son. Really important to keep a copy of that message and his response in case your son ever asks one day. Also do this because my ex lied and tried to rewrite history.
I have a friend who also has the father of her kids just walk away. She makes no effort at all and the boys are fine.
If you have no court orders it's a good thing. I have family members where the kids were forced to see their abusive father every fortnight until 18.
Cover yourself with a message and leave the door open and then redirect that effort to finding other male role models e.g. sports coach, grandfather, uncle or with my son it was his best mates father.
My son has so much empathy and is a lovely person. So it was a win as his father is just plain nasty.