ok, so i know my husband has had a happy ending massage some years ago which he recently admitted to. he says it was only once. a few months ago i tracked his car to a thai massage that i then looked for online and its dodgy. i confronted him and he said no it’s not, she didn’t offer anything. i showed him her ad on locantro and he said well nothing happened. do i believe him? i know i probably shouldn’t but we have been married for 35 years this year. kids grown up. im looking after my mum who is in the granny flat.
anyone else been in a situation where they know there husband has been to a dodgy massage place at least once and if so what did you do?
thank you
ps. my father just passed away last month so im extremely fragile.
what to do
what to do
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
3 Replies
Yep! Very long term partner (over 15 years) been doing the same thing. I ended up logging in to his google account and he had been searching up those places for months and months and months. He denied any of it. He would leave for work really early while I was still asleep and go to them. I only found out because I borrowed his phone one day and happened to see a text message from one of the places with his name in the text and everything, so it wasn’t spam! He could have been going to these places for years for all I know. He thinks I’ve “gotten over it” and believe him, but I’m actually just playing nice while I get all my things in order with lawyers etc ready to leave. Those places are literally EVERYWHERE!!! It’s absolutely disgusting!!!!!!!!!! They should all be shut down! And I’m also actually pretty sure he’s been seeing another woman on the side too. Check bank statements and grocery receipts too, as mine was buying products to last longer every time he went there. He also had his details on dating sites and was on live s*x pages too. These men are disgusting PIGS! Good luck xxxx
Your post tells me you know the answer.
The question you're asking is - do you ignore it & keep your comfortable life, or leave. Only you can decide that, an no one should judge you for it. But get an STI test and don't sleep with him without protection.
My friend's husband gave her an STI from using prostitutes. Then lied when she got it & asked him straight up if her cheated. He said it was her fault as she'd had HPV before (20 years ago). A visit to her gyno squashed that. He lied with a straight face until the evidence was irrefutable. I ran into him a while ago & he went on about how he put her on a pedestal etc implying she wanted too much & left because of that. He'd have known she told me, but still didn't click he was the bad guy.
Trust your gut. However, right now you may want to push that aside to focus on your grief and mum. He does not deserve your energy, or for you to be further distressed thinking about his infidelity. Shift the focus to healing and giving yourself myself as much time as you need to feel strong enough to confront his behaviour and process what that means moving forward. Whether it be today, months or a year from now <3