I'm hoping to get some perspective on a co-parenting situation.
My two children, ages 9 and 10, live with me most of the time and see their father every other weekend. We've been separated for eight and a half years, and while I have remarried, their father is currently single.
He has previously tried a 50/50 custody arrangement twice, once for three months about five years ago and again for five months this year, which ended when he broke up with his girlfriend. He now lives some distance away and wants to have the children for the school holidays.
I'm feeling conflicted about this. School holidays are when the kids usually spend time with their grandparents, enjoy more relaxed routines with later bedtimes and sleepovers, and sometimes attend a holiday program with their friends, which they really enjoy.
I've offered their dad half of each school holiday period and an arrangement of alternating Christmas and New Year's Eve (prior Christmas Day day has always been shared so this one is hard for me). However, I'm concerned that this arrangement will make me the "strict" parent during the school term while he gets to be the "fun" holiday parent. I also want to enjoy quality time with my children during their breaks.
We currently don't have any formal custody agreements, as I've always tried to be flexible with their dad. However, he has now initiated court proceedings.
Am I being unreasonable in my concerns and proposed holiday schedule? I would appreciate any thoughts or similar experiences anyone might be willing to share.
1 Replies
What you have offered is fair.
I would ask the kids what they want to do and what ever they choose it is completely fine with you as it is their decision.
They might say they want to go there for the holidays or a couple of holidays.
Your ex might even last one holidays with having them the whole time when they become overtired, over stimulated or have high emotions.
My ex has tried to do the same thing. My kids are 8 and 7. Except he tells the kids and then they tell me. He hasn't gone to court or anything but tells the kids that it's going to happen. I have noticed it's a cycle and believe when something doesn't go right in his life, or he is fighting with his girlfriend he does it to feel in control.
My 8 year old once called my house 'real life' because I make him do this homework, go to bed at a regular time, clean up their mess, ect.
I would ask the questions:
-Will you be working during the time your with them over the holidays?
-If you are working who will be looking after the children?
-If working and the child/ren get sick will you take the time off to look after them?
-If the kids have after school sports will you take them to training and games? Is he prepared by buy the same uniforms to have at his house?
-Who would take the kids to school if it is 50/50? Will he move back?
At the end of the day, it just comes down to what is most beneficial for the kids.