I’m just need some opinions to help me through this I was due to be married this year however called off the wedding. So my now ex has two kids which I have helped raise and we have a one year old together so I haven’t worked since giving birth. We both decided on a date and he would constantly say I need to bring in money when we spoke throughout pregnancy that I would look after our child as we didn’t want to put him into day care. Anyways my partner goes 1-2 times a week to the pub to gamble and says he can do whatever with his money when he knows I am not working. I struggle to pay my bills. I haven’t brought myself a single thing since going off maternity leave and clothes hardly fit anymore underwear has worn through. I also need to go to the doctors for a papsmear due to having irregular one last year but can’t afford this and no where bulk bills anymore.
this week he had two days off the first night he was out till 12:30 with an old friend which yeah I was fine with except he said he would be earlier. Well last night we had dinner with his work and he wanted to stay back and have a few drinks. I asked can you come home at a reasonable time he said yep cause I thought we would go to look for wedding bands and him to take his kids to school cause we hardly see him due to work. I called around midnight he said he is having fun and not coming home anytime soon so ok left it 1:30am comes around still not home so I called he said he would get an uber 2:30am still not home. I called he said I’m being controlling he is having fun and I don’t let him do anything and he never came home I had to pick him up after school drop off.
I said I can’t do this anymore the wedding is off as this has been an ongoing issue.
He turned nasty saying that he would knock out any guy he meets who tries to raise his son and would say bad shit to our son about anyone who I’m with in the future. Not that I’m even thinking of being with anyone.
I’m worried he is gonna make me pay half the rent when I have zero money to my name and I know I need to leave. But he is saying I can’t just go off the lease and that we have to cancel the lease together and he is moving interstate back where his family is to help with his kids. His phone and plan is under my name and I’m worried that he won’t let me transfer it into his name.
I’m worried for my son that he will try to take him away from me or worse when he is older turn him away from me.
Am I unreasonable to say it’s not okay when your a parent to go out to the pub 1-2 times a week while I stay at home and look after the kids all the time? Is that controlling?
Am I the bad person in this?
I’m an emotional wreck as he doesn’t seem to care or even understand that normal fathers don’t do this all the time. Or am I being ignorant and this is normal
Please I need opinions
4 Replies
None of this is normal and for the love of god, why would you bring an innocent child into this mess?
The best thing you can do for your child is to separate now, before the damage is done.
Do you have family you can go and stay with whilst you get on your feet?
To take your son away, he will need to take you to court, lots of time/money, trust me, he won't do it when push comes to shove.
Also, a 1 year old is a lot of work, guaranteed if he threatens this, he won't follow through.
You need to call the real estate, centrelink, talk to family and start taking action.
As a single mum of 1, I'm going to be honest, unless you get massive child support, the benefit is not enough to live on long term. You will need to work, maybe start part time when your son is 2, childcare will be hardly anything. I miss the 3 days a week working, it's the perfect balance, then increase as he gets older..
Not buying myself nice things is the norm, for many years, not 1 year, better get used to it.
But on the plus side, you will be happy, free, calm, able to raise your son in a warm nurturing environment.
As long as you don't partner up with anymore abusive jerks, focus on your son, you guys will be so tight, no one in the world will be able to turn your son against you when he's older, I'm speaking from experience.
You will become more independent than you ever thought possible and every little win, accomplishment will be 100 percent yours.
Every mistake is 100 percent yours too, but when there's no one to judge you or make you feel bad, failure becomes a non-event, a lesson.
Noone is going to save you, you need to save yourself, start taking baby steps, find out about the lesae first and where you stand.
Good luck, you've got thisx
I have so much guilt for bringing my child into this world I really do but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have left and staying with family. My friends who I haven’t seen in years helped me move my things out and will be going to centerlink and the real estate Monday first thing.
I have left. My child and I are safe.
I’m hurting a lot yet I have a weird sense of peace knowing I have made our futures better.
I know it will be hard but I’m grateful that I had the balls to leave.
I have had him call saying I fucked him and his kids over. And that’s hurt me a lot not about him but his kids.
Congrats, you've taken the hardest step, I wish you all the best.
As hard as it is, you need to focus on you and your son for now, you have a lot on your plate.
Maybe if things cool down in the future, when all is settled, you can reconnect with his kids.
He sounds inconvenienced by you leaving, that the unpaid babysitter has left.
Sounds like he may have groomed you and masked who he really was until you had a child with him. Once they feel they have trapped you, is usually when they drop the act and turn nasty. Try to be kind to you, these types are really good actors. I am so sorry you found someone like this and I am so relieved to read you have gotten out and are accessing support services.