Hey ladies so I am currently seeing a guy.. it's been a couple of months but recently he had gone 3-4 days without replying to me at all.. the first time he said he was really sick with the flu and now it's been 3 days and the same thing he hasn't answered me.. I have abandonment issues from my childhood and my ex ghosted me twice after 8 years together and would go missing for long periods of time.. so this triggers me and I have told him this.i really like this guy and everything else is perfect.. I guess I'm just looking for advice.. what would you do in this situation? Thank you
6 Replies
You need to be single for a while and sort yourself out, you are going to drive any good man away in the early stages of dating with the neurosis/paranoia/neediness.
Also, it's only been a couple of months, he doesn't owe you constant communication.
Go live your life, give the same effort/energy he does, take it slow, if it's meant to be, it should unfold slowly, if it isn't, he will fade away. The key is being okay with either outcome and acceptance that he might not be the one. After a couple of months, you don't even know the real him yet.
Your triggers are yours to deal with.
If I were dating a man for a couple of months and he already had expectations that 3 days without communication is a problem, I would runnnnnnn.
I disagree. If a relationship went a few days without communication when I was dating, it was always an indication that someone had lost interest. I'm not a clingy or codependent and either is my husband, but we've had regular/daily contact since our first date 20 years ago without 'needing' it just because it happens naturally.
What did ppl do before texting? The best way to date in the early stages is call/text to organise a date and then attend date. Why all the communication in between? This is what happens these days. What's wrong with learning and getting to know each other IN PERSON, organically. This guy probably is losing interest and I suspect many ppl do because of the constant communication, there's no mystery anymore. Also, did she tell him about her triggers at date 1/2, crazy, you let this kind of info out in the later stages. First few months should be fun, flirty, a bit of mystery, not constant texting and disclosing your whole life story. If you can't be non-serious in the first few months, when can you be? Also, at this point, ppl are still usually dating multiple ppl due to the apps, he probably hasn't decided to be exclusive with her yet and if that's the case, placing demands on communication needs based on past triggers is not going to go down well.
20 years ago you and your husband were probably only dating each other, things have changed a lot love, be thankful you aren't out there. If you pin your hopes on a guy you've only been dating a couple of months these days, you are in for a lot of heartbreak. Key is give back the same energy they give and don't be attached to the outcome for a good 6 months.
Thank goodness everyone on Facebook reinforced that respectful communication is not an unreasonable expectation. The comments about having to accept poor behaviour and that people these days date multiple people at once were so horrible. I'm not in the dating pool but plenty of my friends are. They're mostly men and when they talk to my husband and I they aren't dating multiple people at once and disrespecting people. I have 1 person that I know that treats women that way and he's lost pretty much every friend he had because of his actions. Gas lighting others to accept those behaviours because you do is dispicable