This is a bit of a long one I'm sorry.
It's hard to put almost 20 years of history into a question...
My children's father is an abusive, toxic, egotistical, probably narcissistic man. The six years I was with him I was abused psychologically, emotionally, mentally and a few times physically. He has abused my children in most ways possible too. He's the type of man and father who is very ego focused and who puts on a certain persona outside of the home. We separated in 2010 but since that time I have had to fight battle after battle for my rights as a mother, for my childrens well being and safety and now I'm dealing with another of his partners who is overstepping. His current partner is in her late 20's, they've got a one year old together.
For context, since 2010 he has had numerous young women come and go through our children's lives. Some for a few years, others for one nighters. This one has taken it upon herself to at times tell people she is my children's mother. Please bare in mind that this woman is closer in age to my 17 year old daughter, than she is to my ex.
She's also tried to organise things for my children that only a mother/ father should organise (formals/ birthdays etc.). She seems to have no idea about having respect for a biological parents rights. Not only that, she has said god awful things about myself and my partner and my children, she's verbally abused my children, neglected them with my ex, she's helped to spread salactious rumours about me that my ex has fabricated...
More recently she has started giving gifts to my partner and I for Christmas and Easter etc. It's absolutely absurd to us given my past with my ex.; the things they have said to my children about us. There is nothing amicable between my ex and I and sadly there never will be because of how he has treated myself and my children for many years. My daughter lives with me full time because of how much he's put her through over 17 years.
My question: How do I tell her to stop with the presents etc. because it's all so obviously fake and contrived and to just leave us alone. Unfortunately everytime we've tried to broach this in the past it ends up on my children's shoulders so I'm trying to navigate this without them being subject to the fall out of immature reactions. Ha anyone gone through this? Hoe do you navigate it?
Thank you in advance for any help.
5 Replies
FFS just take the gifts, set an example for your kids.
Is it a mountain worth dying on?
I would say the problems that I would step up for and focus on would be poor treatment of the kids, not a few meaningless gifts.
You sound petty and self-absorbed, creating problems for the kids for no good reason.
Would like to hear their side of the story.
Petty and self absorbed...thanks! What happened to women supporting women??!!
Walk a day, week, year in my shoes with an ex like mine and then rethink the names you are calling me.
I have been focused on my children and their well-being since the day they were all born. You've completely missed the point and have put down a fellow Imperfect Mum.
You've no idea the depth of what others have been through based on a few sentences in a forum. Learn to be kinder in your responses.
i've been through hell, that's why i say, a few gifts would be the least of my worries, especially if it gets taken out on the kids. i'm supporting you by telling you to let it go, focus on the big important stuff.
Let it go. Whatever she gives you keep it all and donate it to a charity at Christmas time. That way it does some good.
Bringing it up will just give her more ammo to be nasty to the kids and spread more rumors about how ungrateful you are etc. And it will let her know that it annoys you which will give her joy.
Don't give her any of that.
The best answer to someone like this is to do nothing. If you don't react there is no fun in it.