Hello đź‘‹
I need some advice around bed time routine. My ex and I do 50/50 with our kids. Things have come to a head recently because of bed time routine. In our house the kids lay down at 730/745 and we (my current partner of 5 years) lay with the youngest (6&7) and read a chapter of their books. By the time we finish the chapter the youngest kids are asleep. Then we move to the older kids and read a chapter of their books, cuddles and goodnight whether they’re asleep or not (10&11).
At my exes house it’s “it’s bed time”, cuddles for 5 minutes and then he leaves the rooms. He gets angry at the youngest because she wants him to lay with her until she falls asleep (5/ maybe 10 minutes) but he wants to be able to say goodnight, and she get herself to sleep.
The argument is that he thinks we should change our routine here to accomodate his house as she cries every night because he won’t lay with her, and cries for me. This also causes a great deal of anxiety for her on swap over with not wanting to go there and stay with me, the day before swap over she cries and begs me to not send her there because she’s only in trouble and is yelled at.
Is it not normal to lay down and read books at night? She falls asleep in minutes. I don’t really want to change my routine, she loves that part of the night because we get one on one time and it’s also my favourite part of the day to get that one on one time. I feel like it’s healthier for her to get those moments with me but he thinks it’s healthier for her to learn to get herself to sleep and just peace out at bed time. I feel like as she gets older she won’t want that as much so it’s no problem doing it now. We did the same with the eldest kids when they were younger and they’re fine getting themselves to sleep now. If she needs that to feel safe why not just spend the 10 minutes and do it?
3 Replies
Don't change your routine to suit him. Neither you or your ex are doing it wrong, just different and the children just need to adjust to the different routines and learn that there's different things at different houses. Your youngest will probably be upset at bed time even if he did read her stories, she's crying for you not for a story.
Maybe he can find some pre-recorded children's audio books? I see both sides and no-one is right and no-one is wrong, so the focus needs to be on helping your daughter not be upset
make a routine for at dads, get creative...maybe you could record yourself reading a chapter each night, then she listens to it, then calls you to say goodnight...also, a very "special cuddle toy she only has at dad's for bedtime...or those lights that have gentle music and make shadow stars etc. you need to work with what you have, to benefit your child, whoever is right or wrong is irrelevant.