I'm in a situationship with the most beautiful man. I've never experienced intimacy and loving care from someone like him before. He is very emotionally intelligent, into his freedoms, autonomy and independance. He likes independent women.
My main ongoing issue is that it breaks my heart that he doesn't seem to want to fulfill my most basic needs... I have told him what they are: quality time, more sex,more focus on my pleasure, sunset dates, getting ice cream together, going out to eat, country drives, weekends away, hell, him 2 nights in a row.
After 10 months, nothing has changed. I'm madly in love with him, I know I'm a tad limerant, he makes me so happy when I'm in his presence but it's bittersweet and torturous at the same time cause I am so lonely and sad he isn't able to meet my most basic needs...communication during the weekend is minimal and usually a text msg with a kiss emoji. I have never spent a weekend with him and he goes away on long weekends with his extended family or mates camping. He tells me he is extremely happy with the way things are...he works long hours, lives 1 hr away and cares for elderly parents and his child (hence not seeing him on weekends). It's unlikely I will ever meet his family, possibly due to cultural differences.
I don't want to ditch him, so don't even say that...I'm looking for ways to develop a deeper relationship and get my needs met, more than just having him sleep over one night a week. I'm just so so sad and lonely and I see that perhaps I need to work on being the best version of myself rather than rely on him for my happiness but I want to foster more. Here I am once again home alone for my 47th weekend going on date night with the dog. How on earth do I go about getting my needs meet, I need companionship, I have told him this and he hasn't commented, just hugs me. How can I best word this conversation with him.
9 Replies
He obviously likes you. likes having you in his life, but only on his terms.
He doesn't like you enough to put himself out for your relationship or inconvenience himself.
He likes you, but not enough to actually integrate you into his life, you are kept at arm's length.
He likes you, but not enough to introduce you to his nearest and dearest.
It's REALLY easy to be the sweetest, most wonderful guy in the world for very short spurts of time, in an isolated love bubble. No kids, bills, housework, early mornings, up all night when kids are sick etc.
Most of all, he sees his reflection in your eyes. You love and adore him, you boost his ego, even whilst he gives the bare minimum. You make him feel like a God.
There's no respect or deep genuine care for you, it's all just surface level, shallow crap.
He won't change, it's up to you to decide what you're willing to accept.
And don't forget, when it's shallow/surface level, you're easily replaceable when something newer and shinier comes along.
Also, a man who is genuinely interested will want to lock that shit down after 10 months..
He's so confident that you adore him, whilst he gives you bread crumbs, that he leaves you alone all the time, even on weekends, without the slightest worry you will find someone else.
Find. someone. else.
Also, it's not modern dating, it's a guy having his cake and eating it too, they have been trying this for decades.
A man who likes an independent woman, he likes his autonomy/freedoms....he set the rules pretty early on in the game, did you miss that gaping red flag?
Read between the lines love.
Lives 1 hour away, child, elderly parents = he has a wife/family?
Also, you can't build a deeper relationship with someone who doesn't want that.
He knows what you want, he CHOOSES not to give it to you, he doesn't want to or care enough to step up.
He's happy with the way things are & sees your relationship as casual, without having to deal with a real relationship and, I expect, not having to answer to a partner who won't like him being out every weekend.
It works for him because you're sitting at home, pining for him, while he's out having a blast, without a thought for you. He's really not committed. He won't change.
Stop being available on demand and I guarantee he'll disappear!
The question is, are you willing to put up with it, or find someone who wants to build a life with you? Or build one alone?
This isn’t emotional intelligence. I think he has you fooled. This is having his cake and eating it to.
He is not meeting your basic needs. What is he meeting then? What is it that you get from this relationship. What also makes you content within it. You are settling for a very small part of his life. While he is off living his the majority. While you’re lonely.
You should watch the movie "He's just not into you"
He is not emotionally intelligent. He's just using you. You give him everything s d he gives you scraps. enough already.