My partner (42M), no kids, thinks my 15 year old daughter is rude to him as she doesn’t engage in conversation with him.
Her behavior is similar to most teens I know, none of them are great conversationalist, or great at initiating chat.
Shes a very shy and introverted teen, he’s a very big personality.
He has made very little effort to get to know her, doesn’t ask her more than “Hi, how are you”, if that, or shows any interest in her or her life, yet expects her to make a huge effort. (We’ve been together over two years)
Last night they didnt even acknowledge each other and he said that she should’ve said hi first.
He thinks she should be putting in more effort, I think as the adult he should be leading by example, try harder and gain her trust and respect.
I’m not sure I want someone in my life, who’s asking something of a child, he’s not willing to do himself.
Teen and partner don’t engage
Teen and partner don’t engage
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
5 Replies
I'd be teaching my child to engage in polite conversation. I can't stand when my teenagers can't be polite to adults. I think this is absolutely a 2 way street thing and if he thinks she is rude for not talking to him, I suspect he's tried plenty and has given up?
He says hi how are you, and she ignores him? Bit bratty.
“Hi, how are you?” Is a bit of a nothing interaction. The best response you'll really get out of teenager who’s asked that is “good” or “fine” mumbled at you.
Teenagers tend to get a bad rap for being poor communicators but I think the real issue is that adults simply just don’t care to learn how to interact with teens in a meaningful way. I actually work with the general public, very rarely do I have an encounter with a teenager that is purposely rude. They can be shy and awkward but usually with a bit of coaxing they start opening up or becoming more comfortable. However, I have interactions on a daily basis with adults who are petty, rude and painfully socially inept. My greetings and entire existence are plain ignored by adults multiple times a day 😂
Before I go off on a bigger tangent about my work struggles, your partner sounds as if he fits into that category. He does need to put in more effort, he needs to take an interest in her life, eg, who are her friends, what are her interests, what are her goals.
I also think you need to step in as the middle man though. I wouldn’t have sat there awkwardly and allowed them to ignore each other all evening. Pipe up and tell them they’re both being childish if that happens again. I don’t think it would hurt to have a chat with your daughter about being more receptive and I think you may also need to help your partner build conversations with your daughter because even though he’s more extroverted with a big personality, that doesn’t automatically mean he knows how to actually connect with people.
As a grown woman who was this girl. Please pick your kid, over any anyone in any situation. No man is worth making your child feel second best. Especially if he isn't making effort and making her the issue, he's a man child and it will end up worse.
He's a man child. My goodness, lead by example. I wouldn't want to put up with a partner who acted butt hurt over something so petty. I would just be grateful as a teen that's all she's putting you through lol.
He needs to just keep saying hello and leave it at that. 15, only a few years and she will be off doing her own thing. You could try doing a couple of things together as a family but I would not push it.
She needs to pay attention to who makes her feel comfortable and who does not. This is your partner, not hers. She does not have to speak to him if she does not trust him yet. Tell him to suck it up or shut up, whatever works. Sorry but I've heard too many stories about steps abusing children and it starts by men grooming mothers and trying to get closer to their children. The mother ends up encouraging that relationship and the trauma is irreversible.
My attitude would be he needs to back the hell off and stop making this an issue and stop pushing the trying to get close to a teen girl thing. I am not at all accusing him of anything but If my partner did this, I would see it as a massive red flag. Again sorry but it's happening more often than people think. I'm not a fan of his focus on his interactions with her.