Hi mums
It’s been more than a year since life as I knew it changed. My younger brother lost his life so suddenly, I had to tell my parents. I feel like I lived the next six months in survival mode, constant adrenaline dealing with breaking the news to so many people, trying to keep everyone afloat.
Now I’m left with the aftermath of my own grief and am mainly struggling to cope with the huge trauma, the flashbacks and everyone’s painful screams. My anxiety is out of control. I’ve been seeing a psychologist, I’m on medication, I’m getting on with everything day to day. But I’m struggling so bad. It’s like the illusion that ‘everything is going to be ok’ has been shattered. Every phone call that comes in I hold my breath. If I’m being honest I live in fear every single day of the next bad news I’m going to get. It’s like I can hear the clock ticking constantly.
How do I process this? I want to get to a point where I can live without this horrible fear, because life is so incredibly short.
3 Replies
It's so so hard, sending hugs. I'm in a similar boat but almost 7 years since my sister passed away. I have seen a psychologist but my anxiety has gotten out of control and medication is what I now need. It's something that never leaves you but I try and find the joy in the little things and exercise has been a massive help for me too. Hang in there and sending lots of love. Xx
I’m sorry to hear of your loss and heart ache. I lost my mum 8 years ago and felt in similar ways. It was sudden and hard to process for quite some time. The grief doesn’t disappear as such but over time you will learn to manage easier, if that makes any sense. The best thing I did was make time for me and that for me was joining a small gym and working closely with a PT who through which has become a friend. 8 years on and the gym helps for me to process through not only the emotions of losing my mum but life in general especially when things become quite overwhelming. Having that time where it’s about me really gives me time “switch off” even just in that moment. I hope things get easier for you soon. Sounds like you’re doing the best you can through a hard time. You’ve got this!
I lost my cousin who was like my sister so suddenly. I got the phone call from her fiancé and I was the one who made the call to our family to let them know because she had no contact with her parents.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it’s something that’s on my mind daily. Hearing the heartbreak in her fiancés voice and in my families voice is indescribable. I had days, even weeks where I couldn’t function and couldn’t get out of bed or just live life without breaking down. It consumed my whole life.
We ended up selling our house to travel Australia and it’s been so eye opening with how short life is and how we need to live because it can change so suddenly.
I have my days where all that’s on my mind is her and all that she’s missing by not being here and I remember the pain of those long days after her death. It doesn’t get easier, it just takes time to accept what’s happened. That can take months even years. Seek counselling and find the tools to help deal with such trauma. ❤️