My 11yo innatentive ADHD son is very indecisive. Taking the kids into town to spend their pocket money can be utter torture as he simply can not chose. He will walk around and touch everything but is easily distracted by the next shiny thing. Yes I'm aware this is all a part of his diagnosis.
Does setting a time limit on buying something the right thing to do? I just walked around the reject shop for an hour. IV done it before with mixed reactions. Some times he will buckle up and pick and other times we leave with silent tears and death looks.
Wwyd
7 Replies
This is 100% my 14 year old (who I almost guarantee has ADHD).
Last year she got $300 for her birthday from various people, I took her to our local shopping centre to spend it. No word of a lie we were there all day, she was indecisive, I got frustrated and probably put a bit of pressure on and she ended up buying crap she didn't really want because she felt like she had to buy something. She was pissed off, I was pissed off so not a great trip for either of us...
This year she got money again but I made her sit down and have a real think about what she wanted, had her research it online, then we made a plan before hitting the shops - ie, We'll go to the shoe shop, kmart then sportsgirl for Z,Y,Z (whatever specific it was that she wanted).
I found having everything pre decided upon and and action plan really made it less overwhelming.
She still deliberated for hours but pouring over the kmart website is far preferable than wandering the shops aimlessly lol
His wallet is bulging. He will be one hell of a saver when he grows up. He always enjoys the things he gets when he is forced to make up his mind. He has a couple of 100 in it hahaha.
He will organise what he wants but once Infront of it, he can't go through with it, and changes his mind
Honestly, the fact that his money doesn't burn a hole in his pocket is not a bad thing. Quite often with ADHD it goes the other way, I know I have had huge issues with impulsive spending and racking up debt. See my issue is that I'd buy the thing I'd already decided upon but then I'd also buy the 12 other delightful things that I got distracted by lol.
Perhaps there's an opportunity here to give him some tools in regards to making and committing to decisions. In your day to day life, let him make some inconsequential choices - ie, you're grocery shopping, give him the choice between say cookies and chips for a lunch box treat. If he gets stuck, help him break the decision down, eg, "we had chips last week, maybe you'd like something sweet this week?" Or "normally you prefer chips, maybe that what we should get".
I also think that if physical shopping leaves him overwhelmed by choice, change the way he shops. Online shopping is particularly helpful for neurodivergent people, I utilise it myself so that I stay focused and don't overspend.
Get him to look online instead then he can take as long as he likes and it doesn't matter if he doesn't get anything. My middle son was like this but it was anxiety that caused it. Picking out clothes and shoes was a nightmare too.
My ADHD son who is the same age is the opposite, he gets money and it's spent so quickly as he is impulsive. I now only give him money in small amounts or make him write a list if he has a large amount from bday/xmas and put them in order of his number 1 want to the least. When we get to the shop we only go where things on his list are. This could help you by taking out some of the distraction also. My son also gets hyper focused on things for ages so often his list will either have all PS4 stuff, bike riding, scooter, bball etc on it so that does help that we can cut alot of browsing out (I also get him to look at online catalogues if he's unsure, however I also now bank alot for him so he doesn't spend as much)
Setting a timer just makes thing worse for my boy. He's feels even more pressured. Look online is something thats helped me. My boy also finds the shops to be an attack on his senses so deciding whilst feeling out of sorts is HARD.
Hmm maybe look online first and pick out what you want to get. Then tell him we have a time to get all we need to get and we need to try to beat that e.g. 5 minutes and set a stopwatch. Make it kinda fun 😊
I am the person who gets distracted and looks at the next shiny thing. My partner has to remind me what we are there for haha. I find shopping online tends to help but also knowing I am on a deadline ;)