My child is best friends with another child. That child is also friends with another child. That child constantly hurts my child. They are often brushed off as accidents by the school. He will purposely run into him and knock him down. My son has tried playing with others but misses playing with his best friend. School have said that they don't know if that's the ideal friendship group for him given he keeps being injured. He wants to play with his friend but is scared of being hurt, is struggling to find others to play with and now is lying by omission about things. Do we keep trying to help him find other friends? Do we just let him play with his best friend and let him get hurt? School say if he chooses to play with them there's not much they can do if he gets hurt. He is so sad at not being able to play with his friend. I just don't know how to help him.
5 Replies
Im going to assume we are talking about an early primary school child.
I would stop using the term best friend, and strongly encourage your son to play with others. He may need some help to do so, and that will mean you setting up some playdates with other kids from school.
Kids change friendship groups a lot and it's not a good idea to be dependent on one child for friendship. Your son may think of his friend has his best friend but it doest sound like that is reciprocated at the same level.
I would definitely encourage you to work on other friendships.
Your child should not learn that part of friendship is accepting being hurt.
I would also suggest strongly to the school that affectively your child is being bullied. He is being repetitively targeted by one child physically during play.
I told my kids from the get go. Not to start a fight, but you sure as hell can finish one. The bully needs to be put in their place and the age of the kid shouldn't even matter.
I'd tell my kid to kick em in the shin, real hard. And if the school has something to say about it, make it clear you have talked to them about it several times and all your child did was stand up for themselves, and you will take it higher. Bullying needs to be stopped young or it continues.
No child should have to avoid a friend over a jealous bully
I had same problem ! I ended up getting the bully mums phone number and sent her a message about him, she said she had no idea what was happening and that the school had never contacted her once about her kid. In the end, my son was never allowed to be in same class as his best friend or the bully and so he has made other friends in his class. He is still best mates with his best friend but hangs with him after school so the bully is no where near.
So the school is basically saying they are too lazy to address the bullying child and try to educate him on how to play without hurting others.. just great, they sound absolutely freaking useless and I would be pissed.
So this bully then gets to continue hurting other children and becomes an even bigger bully because they refuse to address his behaviour.
Document each incident and date, any contact with the school over the incidents and ensure it is all in writing! Demand that they address the aggressive behaviour and if they do not act, you keep going up the chain until you eventually get to the dept of education.
Your child should not have to avoid certain people or places in the playground due to a bully!! I am sick of these schools victim blaming!
Also if they use the stupid 'learning resilience' phrase, the only thing they are breeding is anxiety disorders, not darn resilience.
Give it to them and don't hold back. At this age you are your child's advocate. This bully is only going to get worse and possibly seek him out no matter where he is in the playground.