My partner take his phone into the bathroom with him no matter what he’s doing.
Most of the time he sits for ages on the loo, typical man stuff. But there’s times I’m laying in bed and he grabs his phone, puts it on the bathroom bench and hops straight in the shower. When it’s flat and it’s on the charger he’ll suggest I get in the shower too, it’s like he doesn’t want me around the phone.
He will also be laying in bed watching tv and will occasionally use it laying but half the time he will sit up on the edge of the bed, check his phone, put it back down and then lay back down.
I’m not going to go through it and I wouldn’t usually think he’d do anything wrong behind my back but this makes me uncomfortable and a bit paranoid making me want to go through it (I haven’t though).
When I ask him why, he says something like “Don’t you trust me?” Or “You’ll go through it”.
He’s definitely not a talker and when I try it ends in and argument (very avoidant personality type).
I do know he has a lot of female friends, he has ex hook ups and girl friends on socials despite me telling him I’m not being comfortable with SOME of them.
He is quite moral generally but I don’t feel we have the same ideas about what’s acceptable or at least his ideas are different for us both.
Thoughts?
3 Replies
Both me and my partner can be like this with our phones and I'm definitely not hiding anything and don't think he is either. We will take our phones everywhere with us and both will have mini panics when we can't find our phone. I don't have his pass code and tbh have never asked for it. He has mine (this is only because he is a typical bloke and I handle the finances and I have everything written down in my phone for him incase I'm ever out of action for any reason). Again he's never asked for my pass code - I willingly shared this on my own. I have ex's on social media (that he is aware of) - I honestly have no idea if he has any ex's on his social media's as I've never asked/checked but would be fine with it. He has never asked me to remove anyone of my social media. We have had little conversations around cheating behaviour and relationships (just coming up with what our friends might be going through) we both have a very similar attitude of once we cross that line we are both done. I've made it clear that if he cheats (mentally, physically, emotionally, any form) that I would just walk as I feel it's not something I would ever move past and would spend the rest of the relationship punishing him. I'm also very aware of the whole fact if they want to cheat, they'll find a way and I'm not spending my time stressing over a what if, could be, maybe (life's too short). I've been in previous relationships where it was go through the phone, keep tabs on each other, control friendship circles ect and they all failed for a reason! I think an open honest conversation with him but some serious thinking on your part too (as that dictates the conversation). Would you stay and work things out if there has been some cheating? What do you class as cheating? What do you need to feel secure from him (in healthy ways - so obviously not go through his phone when you want ect). Once you have the answers to your big questions you can have that conversation with him and it will either go "if you've made a mistake we can work through things together" or "this is my line and if I find out it's been crossed I'm out". Doesn't have to be an indepeth conversation that then turns to an argument just a quick statement and then I would leave the aera he is in and go do something and come back later once he's had a chance to process it and give him a chance to bring it up.
He has different ideas for us both. And he’s acting suspicious. That’s your alarm that his words will lie and his actions will tell the truth.
And you actually don’t trust him on socials, from his actions, he’s keeping his old hookups on the line. And, when you ask, he’s not an open book. Trust is earned, not given. He’s manipulating you to ‘trust’ him, instead of proving that you can trust him.
So he says you don’t trust him? But also that you’ll go through it if he leaves it unattended, which shows he doesn’t trust you. Seems a little twisted to me.
I don’t see why you going through it would be an issue if he has nothing to hide.
I’m petty and probably toxic so I’d would start doing the same back, just making it seem as though I don’t want him near my phone, take it with me everywhere, face it down when his around ect to see how he likes it.
We have a no technology in the bathroom rule in my house because it it makes me uncomfortable due to being cheated on in the past and my husband respects that.