I’ll start this with a bit of background on my situation. I have a 6yo who is autistic and adhd, I’m a single parent and have her 100% of the time. She is a lot of fun but also a lot of work.
We live in a block of units and there is a sibling group that live a few houses down from us. This sibling group live with their mother and another adult, and spend every second fortnight with their other parent. This sibling group have started playing with my daughter and things were initially going pretty well but over the last few weeks this has changed. They will come over after 7 on a school night and ask to play even though I have told them that it is too late, and then my daughter will have a meltdown as she can’t go and play, and when I say no they will play right outside my house and tap on the windows and pull funny faces at my daughter which gets her quite upset.
Secondly when they are playing together they often tease my daughter, most of the time she doesn’t realise as she can be unaware of social norms at times. They will take stuff off her and when she gets upset they will give it back and say they were just joking. I have pulled them up multiple times and they still do it, yet anytime my daughter does something they come running to me dobbing on her. They always want to come into my house and when they do they make comments about it being messy or ugly. So I have stopped allowing them into my house.
Everytime my daughter asks to go to their house I get told that their mum is too tired and they aren’t allowed there either. I’m honestly getting over it, I work and literally have 13 hours to myself a week, and their mum doesn’t work and has another adult to share the load with yet I’m still having to somewhat parent her kids. At what point can I tell these kids to go home and pull them into line as I’m sick of having to constantly monitor the interactions and having my child constantly being upset.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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5 Replies
I've lived in a lot of unit/apartment complexes. I swear to God, there is a family like this in every single one 😆
Have you had a conversation with their mum though?
If not, that needs to be first on your agenda. People aren't mind readers, for all you know she may be under the impression that you're totally cool with this arrangement. In my experience, many parents/adults aren't great at reading social cues or understanding societal norms either so I think it's always best to communicate directly rather than just staying silent and getting angrier.
As a bit of an aside, when I was a stay at home, partnered mum of 3 that was probably the darkest period of my life, I was chronically overwhelmed, my mental health was in the shitter and I promise you, the "other adult" in my home was definitely not sharing the load.
My point is, just approach this situation with kindness. You don't know what struggles she is also facing.
So in short. Chat with mum and implement clear, firm boundaries regarding playtime and respecting your space.
If that doesn't work, then I think you're within your rights to tell these kids to bugger right off.
Thank you for your reply. I have had a chat with the mum and the other adult.
I should have mentioned that the other parent isn’t the mums partner, but is the home owner. I know there is a few other things going on but I would also appreciate a little bit of consideration.
Oh totally, wanting to live harmoniously with ones neighbours isnt a huge ask - you're not at at all being unreasonable here.
I think it probably be worth having a follow up chat with mum and the home owner but this time really asserting your boundaries. Focus on the door knocking all the time and poking their faces through your windows/taunting your daughter because that's a pretty big encroachment on your peace and privacy!
I think parents like this send their kids out to play and really don’t care what they get up to. She’s not going to watch your kid and she never asked you to watch hers. When you speak to her, just set your boundary. Ie) the kids are knocking on my windows and that needs to stop. But really, just tell the kids. They’ll get the hint if you’re consistent.
All the time. They’re not nice and you don’t want them around, send them packing and they’ll stop coming around.