My partner and I have been together for 14 years and have two children, the last couple of years affection and sex has been lacking on his side. This year we have only had sex twice and I no longer ask for sex, I've asked him to see a doctor and explained how rejected I feel and it's not just about sex he won't even cuddle me.
Recently I have noticed him being weird with his phone, closing apps when I come near and always has the screen facing down, Friday night he was drunk and on his phone all night but making sure I couldn't see the screen it felt really off. I did something I never done before and looked through his messages and sure enough he was complaining about me while I sat right next to him to a girl that he went to high school. He was telling lies about me and told her I was gaslighting him, he even sent a selfie to her saying I went to bed angry when I was still next to him on the couch. I stopped reading the messages because I didn't want to see anymore but I'm feeling heartbroken.
I understand needing to vent to friends but the making up of stories has me so confused and I have never met this person in all the years we've been together, anytime I try and bring up how I'm feeling within this relationship on any subject he always turns it back on me and I shut down. I don't deal very well with any yelling or confrontation due to childhood trauma, so it's easier to go quiet and not continue the argument.
I feel guilty about going through his phone but now I don't feel like I'm imagining things and to read what he really thinks of me has been eye opening. I only have one close friend to talk to so I wanting thoughts on what to do if you were in this situation.
What would you do in this relationship?
What would you do in this relationship?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
5 Replies
Run. Girl run. If he is telling lies about you, it’s only going to get worse.
Do not tolerate this anymore.
You've lost your voice as you have started going quiet to avoid arguments. It just feels like too much effort doesn't it? Somehow this will all be your fault, I'm sure that's what he will tell you..
When you start accepting this as your life is when you absolutely need to leave, as it will only get worse. He is still interested in other women and has probably been sleeping around for a long time. That would be his only motivation to sneak around and lie the way he is.
As much as this hurts, it's 100 percent not you! You deserve so much better! If you doubt this, then he has definitely pushed your self-esteem into the ground and you need to get away from him. He has used your empathy and vulnerability against you.
The man you thought you knew never existed. It was merely a ruse to create dependency. They eventually drop the mask when they feel you are never going to leave and they are actually pretty ugly on the inside.
I am years ahead, been there done that, learned to love me and then found someone to share that with. Been with my partner for many years now, he's my best friend. Never will I settle for less again. If you can find the strength to let go a better future awaits you too, trust me xx
There's only one reason for a dude to make up lies about the missus to another woman.
Don't even tell him how you came by the information you have.
You don't have to give him a reason to be done.
I went through this, was all defensive.. on both ends. She called him bro like it was meant to make it less obvious. Kept telling me I was crazy, that it wasn't anything, that I was the one making a situation out of nothing. I ended up completely heartbroken, cheated on and even though she didn't want a relationship with him he chose to be 'friends' with her over our relationship. Wasn't until a month later her manipulation came out on him and he realised how much he fucked up.
Its going to hurt, but do whats best for you and leave. I wish I had the strength to.. it affected me deeply for a very long time and still hurts when I think about it now.
You deserve the best, and he is not that.
I could of written this myself. This was me 3 years ago. Do yourself a favour and prepare for the worst. As hard as it is to hear, if he's not having sex with you, isnt trying to make things better and is messaging another woman he has checked out of your relationship. I wish id set some boundaries and not been such a push over begging for him to love me. If i had my time again i would give him 2 choices. Make it work by trying to fix the issues properly or separate. Mine dragged it out for 18months trying to decide, then left and lied endlesslly. Turns out he had cheated with his work mate that would message him constantly. Same thing he would hide his phone from me and constantly lied. I hate confrontation as well but i knew he was lying but couldnt bring myself to fight it out. You HAVE to stamd up for yourself. Its not ok what he is doing. They usally realise the grass isnt greener on the other side, but by then its usually too late.