Mums please be kind, I’m in a difficult position and seeking advice.
I met a lovely guy 3 months ago, we were both separated with kids but wanting to take things slowly which has been nice. We both work full time so not pushing the relationship side of things and just catching up, almost like a FWB but it suited us both.
A couple of weeks ago, I started to notice that things didn’t add up, He always said he and his ex wife were amicable but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to the story. I kept asked him questions about his ex but he became cold and cranky with me.
So you all know where this is going, right? Yep, I discovered that he’s very much married, and I’m absolutely mortified, not only for myself but for the family he has at home on the outskirts of the city. We would always catch up at either my place or his inner city apartment (fully decked with kids stuff and no sign of a wife!!)
I’m angry that he lied and I’ve been put in this position. I ended things immediately and now I’m torn about telling the wife. What should I do? Do I create more drama for myself or do I detach and walk away? I’m really upset for his family and his wife who clearly has no idea. And to make matters worse, we’ve spoken about previous partners and there’s been a few more before me! I feel terrible for this woman, if I tell her, how do I do it?
11 Replies
I would tell her but only if you're 100% sure he is still playing happy families, not just getting along with his ex for the kids sake. The apartment in the city is kind of a very expensive way to have affairs so it just seems odd.
I've had man travel hours to cheat with me (I had no idea) it was always obvious when they had excuses for me not go see them.
If it was an affair then I say don’t tell and move on, because I’m sure the signs were there and you knew so just move on now. If you really were duped and left because you’ve found out then yes, tell her, of course she deserves to know he’s out there fucking around and saying he’s single.
I'd tell her. I'd be honest, and start off with "have you really been seperated?" That part could be true.
Make it clear you had no idea about them being together during that time. And once you knew, it was ended.
I've told a woman. I tracked her down vis fb. Inboxes her. Her first instinct was to blame me. I was a slut. Keep that in mind that you will likely be her first target of abuse. But mostly, they know deep down her was really at fault.
I wish some one had of told me. I felt humiliated I didn't see it. But being told would have made me feel like some one cared.
Stay away from the drama.
Don't invite that BS back to your doorstep because if you tell her, it might back fire and you might have a very angry asshole on your doorstep.
Stay away.
Fuck it. Tell her.
I would want to know 🤷♀️
Yes she'll blame you, you'll probably cop a ton of abuse from both of them - blockitty block block.
I've had way too many friends in your exact situation; and I've had married friends cheated on & they just felt like absolute fools when they found out.
She may suspect it and be burying her head in the sand, but also she may not suspect it at all.
I personally think she deserves to know the truth, and then it's her decision what she does with that. But one thing we all know is that if he does it once, he'll do it again - so she deserves to be allowed to make an informed decision about her life.
Please tell her. I just left a 22 year marriage, I wish someone had of told me he was having numerous affairs without my knowledge.
I am now happily single
Please tell her
Yep I was in a relationship with a man who was having an affair and I wish someone would have told me (other people knew)
I told a (now ex) friend of mine that her boyfriend was cheating on her with some other chick i knew (I'd seen it with my own two eyes).
She didn't believe me. If it had ended there it would have been fine, but her and the boyfriend dragged my name through the damn mud. Somehow I became the villain because I felt a moral obligation to give my friend this information about her boyfriend.
Sounds callous but I'd never do it again. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
I was in a terribly abusive relationship, a big part of the gaslighting was telling me things were all in my head and literally trying to send me crazy.
He cheated on me for years and everyone knew. They all shut their mouths. I find them all repulsive! I did not just end my relationship, I lost so many friendships with it when i found out they had all been smiling at my face and lying to protect him. He even openly dated one of them out in public when I was at work and screwed another in our bed while I was in hospital with our newborn. I was left feeling like I could not trust anyone anymore 😢
Please, please find a way to tell her even anonymously. A complete stranger private messaged me on Facebook and changed my life. A complete stranger who reached out and looked after me. I will forever be grateful. It was not all in my head and my ex is long gone.
Years later I met my now spouse. He has shown me what a real relationship is. Please be that person who allows someone else the opportunity to find their happiness. Please don't keep this a secret <3