I just wanted to say something after I had read a post about kids paying board. There were a few comments that said they make their kids save by controlling and checking their accounts and income. I don't think this helps kids in the long run. They don't learn how to manage money themselves but they do learn to rely on others to control finances which is not a good thing when they get older and get into relationships. I have young adults and I've never controlled their money. They have had times when they have spent too much but they are actually good at saving and do it because they want to. Probably the best thing I've ever done for my kids to set them up to be good with money is to be poor lol. They've never had the latest gadgets or expensive clothes, they would have to wait for Christmas and birthdays to get what they want. We didn't have expensive holidays or go out for dinner often or go to expensive places. I think this has meant they can live without expensive stuff and didn't find it so hard when they had to pay for things themselves. My youngest child is 19 and has one pair of shoes that he's been wearing for 3 years, he won't buy a new pair until they are completely wrecked lol. Hes had the same phone for that long. He saves most of his money. So something to think about, good money habits starts way before they get their first job, they have to learn patience and rise above consumerism which comes from us, what we buy them and how we spend money when they are young.
16 Replies
So agree with this!!
We have to let go of the reins for a while.
We also set the example from the beginning.
Some of the parents that charged board actually need it to cover living costs, ironic, they are supposedly teaching their kids about money management and living within your means.
Just out of curiosity, what is your take on young adults / teen children paying board?
Well good for you. We're all different and your way isn't more correct than others.
I didn't comment on that post but I have 8 kids' youngest is 18 so I'm pretty seasoned In how I went about it with mine, and it wasn't remotely like yours.
There is no right or wrong way. It's whatever fits in with your family. Weather you agree or not isn't relevant. Just do you and what works for your clan, no need to bash out a new post on what you think is the only right way.
This is exactly what I think reading this post.
We do it a different way as well. I've seen different ways work for some, fail for others, and outside influences, like new partners, or even just wanting different things to what was taught, change someone's money personality completely.
I bashed out a new post because it was a different subject. Her post was about board, my post is about teaching kids to control their own money and spending habits from an early age. That teaches them alot more than controlling their savings. There was one Mum that said she makes her child save 90% of what they earn then said she still buys them what they want and gives them $25 a week pocket money so they don't touch their savings. I don't think that helps anyone. We have a new generation that are not being taught how to go without things, that they need to have a new car, a big house, clothes, phones, watches, then keep up with the social side they are used to like restaurants, concerts, holidays etc. Then we all complain how hard it is now to buy a house. I think its Mel Gibson or someone similar, that is a really good example of someone that made their kids earn everything and wait for it, even though he had the means to spoil them. Its about grounding them, teaching them that things they want don't just appear.
It's called delayed gratification and it is such an important skill.
I totally understand what you're saying.
Look, I do agree wholeheartedly, and I've friends who, in their 40's, still ask mummy for money for bills because 'their' money is for fun.
I'm simply saying that the same approach doesn't work for everyone. I've seen the same approach go wrong in the absolute worst way, and work beautifully for some. Sometimes between siblings.
If it interests you look up 'money personalities'. It's a fabulous way to learn how people think and it's what I'm using to (hopefully) ensure my kids find their own balance and not turn out as extreme sprendthrifts or tightwads!
When it comes to financial guidance, I think you just gotta to do what you feel is in the best interest of your kids and let other people do the same.
Sounds like you've instilled good values in your kids and they are making smart financial choices - that's awesome.
I have a different approach with my kids and they're headed down a good path too. They have goals and a pretty good understanding of how to manage their money.
My nephew is neurodiverse, his parents are very involved in his finances because he's just not ready to manage his own money yet. They are slowly loosening the reigns as he tackles this learning curve, he will eventually get to a place where he can do all this independently.
Like most aspects of parenting. There is no one size fits all answer, if it were that simple kids and teens would come with an instruction manual.
Not the OP, but I don't care who you are, child or adult, if you're given and expect everything immediately in life and don't learn to delay gratification, you will fail in many aspects.
It helps develop grit, perseverance, discipline and appreciation.
I think that is what the OP is trying to get across.
Yes, I got the essence of her don't raise spoilt kids message. I get that aspect of what she's trying to get across and I don't disagree.
But she's also basically saying her way is the only way. My point being that there is more than one way to reach that end goal. Every parent's approach is going to look different!
She never said her way is the only way, just that her way has taught them the important lessons in life.
My youngest is 20
And yes I did make them all pay board, we used it not saved it and I had control of the money and taught them budgeting. They take over when they can manage it.
My kids are all great at saving and budgets and often help friends.
I think you need to realize that your way isn’t the only way and kids learn differently as one barely needed help, another took many years and the last was just lazy
Geez
Control freak
If you control someone's income, that they worked hard for, isn't that a form of slavery, or even highly illegal?
Oh, but you can do it, because they are your kids and you see them as idiots, and they are not allowed to make their own mistakes in life with their own money.
None of your lessons change the outcome, when they move out and have actual bills, they learn.
Keep your dirty mits off your kid's hard earned money, disgusting.
Let them have a childhood.
A bit of board is fine, if YOU need it, but controlling the money they worked for isn't.
You guide, you teach, you charge them to live in your home if you must, but you have no right to control another person's income that they earned, child or adult.
They earned it, it's theirs.
Oh and trust me, your teenage kid isn't sitting around telling the other kids how to save money and how lucky they are to have a mum who controls all their income.
That's either a lie or you live in lala land.
The other kids would def feel sorry for them.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-effects-of-overparenting-on-children#3
https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224