Hello š I am
So confused when an event ie wedding or big party being a 30th 40th or 50th is sent out months in advance and people you invite respond with āI donāt know what Iām doing next week let alone the next few months but il let you know closer to the timeā doesnāt that mean that your invite isnāt important to them
Or they would rather say yes il be there and if anything else was invited in that time that they would say āsorry I already have an event?
Iām so confused by response like this on my event as I would never tell
Someone I canāt answer their invite more or less unless something better came upā to me thatās so rude and some people that have said that I really want to delete from my event!
(Obviously if a tragedy or issue out of their control i understand but just to say they donāt know that far ahead is concerning to me that i and my event really isnāt that special
To them.
Please help x
Party invite
Party invite
Posted in:
Life Lessons
20 Replies
Weddings I'd expect an early invite.
But for birthdays, if it's more than four weeks in advance I'll tell you I'll decide later.
Our lives change rapidly, and committing too early in the past has caused issues, once with booking a holiday on the already restricted dates we can use & we had to reduce our time away.
Not gushing over a birthday party invite doesn't mean we don't care, but, truthfully, someone else's birthday party isn't really important to us - we'll still call & gift etc if we can't go. I hate milestone parties, anyway, as I don't drink.
How about sending a save the date? If people don't want to come they won't, but giving them the date early on without pressure might work better.
Would she have an RSVP date? If reply by that date
If sheās asking for earlier than RSVP you get what you get lol
Do they have kids? To me this is sometimes a special kind of nightmare if kids are not invited and I have to worry about care arrangements. The other one is weddings.. I hate having to worry about what I am going to wear and how I am going to afford it especially now.
The pressure can become a bit much. I think people can have all sorts of reasons, even social anxiety or are massively introverted (me as well). It is generally their problem though and does not mean they do not care about or value you.
I find it hard to commit months out. I don't have the flexibility to just be like "29th of September? Yeah I'll be there".
I have absolutely no idea what's going to crop up between now and then, I really don't want to promise someone I'll be at their event only to end up letting them down.
I've also been in a situation where I'd taken time off work (in December which I basically had to trade my soul for due to it being peak retail time of year), I organised my sister to baby sit (she also had to take time off, also retail so same deal) - this event ended up being cancelled because too many people (who said they could 3 months prior) couldn't make it. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed and it's made me reluctant to do that again.
Yes it feels that way. But from the other side, a family doesnāt know if a kids acting club workshop weekend falls, or play rehearsal day, or show, or soccer game, husbands work roster, family coming to visit in that month, mothers birthday, etc etc. they canāt commit but yes it also means theyāre not shifting things to make sure theyāre there, so donāt make your plans around them.
we recently did a party in the school holidays and I didnāt receive any rsvps, then two days before most of them messaged, all of them showed up. Had no idea school holidays were coming up.
So yes I think people really donāt know what is coming up next week, let alone months away and committing to something feels dishonest.
If it really is a case of them just waiting for something better to come up then they are not your people and don't bother inviting them to the next party. But if its just not knowing about work and stuff like that then its understandable.
I'm not really a big party person so if I get an invite to a party that's months away I won't know if I'm coming or not. I'm not taking off time off work just to attend a birthday party. I will take time off to attend a wedding if I'm close enough with the person. Although if the wedding is far away and I'd need a hotel and baby sitters etc then I can't commit straight away because things could change.
Seriously birthday invites sent out more than 4 weeks in advance really piss me off and even more if an RSVP date is put but you text me before that date asking for an answer. If the RSVP is more than 7-10days before the event (besides a wedding/engagment) then that is also annoying. I never plan too far in advance for anything but I also don't do last minute either š. I'm more than happy with a save the date given in advance via events on FB with an official invite closer to the date with an rsvp that I will respond too..
I mean, is it a birthday or a wedding? Birthdays shouldn't be sent out months in advance. It's a birthday...you have them every year. I don't care if you're turning 27 or 40. Weddings are a different story though! I will 100% appreciate knowing about a wedding months in advance and I'll do my best to get there unless it's a destination wedding that'll cost me thousands to attend.
My 30th is coming up, Iām sending my invites out 3 months early for three reasons.
- I have people travelling from hours away
- itās right after Christmas
- itās a kid free event.
For all of these reasons I want to give everyone as much notice as possible.
If people find that annoying because those reasons donāt apply to them then do be it, im sure the friends of mine that need notice to find a sitter appreciate it.
(Before anyone says anything, I have kids and my friends that have kids are grateful for an excuse to have a night off)
This! I think 3-4 weeks for local bday party but you are right in your case 3 months is needed.
Agree.
Sending the invite early isn't the problem in this case - it's wanting the rsvp answer months in advance too.
Make the rsvp two to three weeks before the party and you can send me an invite or save the date 12 months in advance. Just don't ask me to commit three months in advance and then get upset I can't do it. If I commit, I show up, so making sure I can is important to me.
I replied above in a post. Send a save the date and then RSVP shouldn't be before a minimum of 2-3 weeks before. Gives people time to organise and respond to you. Remember their Babysitters etc may not be able to plan so far ahead either
I gave 8 weeks digital notice for my 50th in February. Every invited guest but two came as you're only half a century once!
The two of my friends who didn't come, I was utterly pissed off about . One ignored the invite entirely, not even acknowledging that they could or couldn't go, and on the day of my event she posted pics on FB of herself out to dinner with one of her girlfriends when she was meant to be at my private event.
The other friend ticked yes she was coming and she even confirmed privately with me on the morning of, to never even show up, and she too posted FB pics of herself with her husband at the swimming pools having a grand old time with other ppl at the very moment she was meant to be at my function.
Deleted them both off socials and out of my life. Can't think of anything more fucken' rude In my opinion than these types of 'friends'. I had been out to concerts with them in the past including their own weddings, only to be completely ignored at my own special event.
Things like this show who your real friends are. Within reason. And these two are no longer friends of mine. How hard is it to just say 'sorry, but I can't come'.
I have a chronic illness & never know when I'll feel ok or not - I want to go!!!! But also I don't want to rsvp yes, and then be crippled on the day & not turn up & let the person down, or send yet another "I'm so sorry" message.
Most of my good friends know that I can't give an answer until the day of, and they're ok with that, but explaining to less-close friends is a bit of a nightmare.
Invisible illnesses suck, and I just hate letting people down over & over.
Mostly I say "don't plan for me to be there, but if I can make it I will".
I think you're right, your event shouldn't be a "unless something better comes along", especially if you're catering it!
If someone important to me told me 6 weeks, 6 months or a year in advance I'd happily RSVP because I'm going to prioritise going. Don't care what else pops up unless I pop up dead.
If you thought you were a priority to those people just bump them down a little in your own priority list. Don't give more of yourself than they will give back.
For me it is; Iām a shift worker and will either need to roster time off (I canāt afford to) or try and swap a shift. Itās not that I donāt want to go; itās just always me hoping Iāll be allocated the day off in that roster periodt.
However I usually know 9 weeks in advance; so I have time to try and swap
I'm one of those people who can't commit to anything too far in advance. I barely know what is happening day to day. I personally just had to cancel on my Grandads 90th birthday because I got a last minute appointment for my child who is going through diagnosis for things. Going through the public system you don't get much choice. I am also missing out on a friend's wedding because we have another appointment in Sept but not sure when so I can't commit to anything. As much as it sucks some people just can't plan in advance. I hardly even know what I'm doing each weekend.
Have a reasonably timed RSVP
I have a save the date for 6 months time
I already have holidays booked but will see when closer if we can make it or not and reply to the RSVP
On the invite
Explain the RSVP is important for catering (or whatever)
If the RSVP comes and goes and you havenāt heard follow up with a phone call and re explain you need to know re catering (or whatever)
Itās a two way street