My husband and I have had a lot of issues lately.
He has had an emotional affair and we’ve been arguing ever since. I asked him for space and for him to move out (several weeks ago). He moved back over the weekend but I’ve discovered that he copied and pasted many of my texts to him and sent them to mutual friends of ours that we’ve kind of confided in about everything.
He has betrayed me in the past by messaging people about me. I am a really private person and he knows that. I have asked him many times to be loyal to me (should I even have to ask that?) and to keep my private business between him and I. I can’t trust him. I don’t know what to do.
Husbands loyalty
Husbands loyalty
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
5 Replies
Sounds like he's using those texts to gain sympathy with these friends. "Look what she's subjecting me to" kinda kids games. No prizes for who is trying to manipulate the friendships.
Dude had an emotional affair and moved out.
What happened for him to move back?
Has he taken responsibility? Have you guys organised separate/combined counselling to move forward?
Has he even apologised?
Our has he done nothing and just decided to move back in?
I don't think loyalty and privacy are the same thing, but privacy is obviously important and he's breached your boundaries at least twice. There's a glaring incompatibility there. Acknowledge it. You can accept it and be here in 2, 10, 20 years time with the same vent. Or call time, it's who he is and after all this time he's clearly not attempting to modify that to appease you.
Kick him back out. He is using the texts to paint a bad picture of you and get people on his side. You don’t trust him, I wouldn’t either. Tell him to go.
He has the affair and is trying to protect his image. This is giving me narc. vibes. If he is one of those, he will lack complete empathy for how you feel and worse still will often try to twist the affair into being your fault e.g. "you were not giving me enough attention".
The words spewing out of his mouth will not match his behaviour. These guys are great at grooming, fail in follow through. Watch his behaviour and ignore everything coming out of his mouth. If those two things do not align... he's a douche and you need to get away from him 💗
Oh wow! Yes his reasoning what that he was feeling undesired. It was all my fault apparently.
Im going to say this and if I am off base then just ignore it but yep, first rule is never admit any fault or take any accountability for their own behaviour. The ego is very fragile so ask yourself if you want to be with someone who constantly needs reassurance for that. If he has not got you doing it yet, you will eventually find yourself walking on eggshells, blaming yourself for his behaviour e.g. I am not good enough, maybe if I... lost weight, didn't nag, tried to be extra happy, made sure I have all that cleaned up he won't complain, maybe it's all in my head like he says it is... etc. Take care of you and work on building your self worth back up. His cheating would have knocked it a fair bit and he will try to put you down to keep you accepting his shitty behaviour. This is why so many women do not leave, they no longer see how much better they deserve ((hugs))