I’m so lost and overwhelmed and stressed and anxious, and I feel this way almost 24/7. I’m obviously a single mum, dads not involved at all and my 6yo is autistic and we just got an adhd diagnosis for her as well. I’ve recently just moved and did all of it on my own and it has been a massive fail. Im still moving stuff from the old place and have so much left to do. Both myself and my daughter have been sick in between so have had days where I have got little to nothing done. I look around and all I see is chaos and it is stressing me out. But even without moving I feel this way. I have no routine, my house is always messy, I feel like I go to work do average in my job and come home and barely get by there as well. I see a psychologist and she is really good and keeps telling me I do too much but if I don’t do it then it just simply doesn’t get done. I’m at the point where I’m going to fall in a heap and feel I don’t have anyone to lean on. My family are somewhat supportive but also constantly say, I need to be more organised and on top of housework so it doesn’t get to the point it’s overwhelming, or if something goes wrong they will say this is why we tell you to be more organised or do this or that, and honestly if it was as easy as they make it out to be I would.
I don’t really no what I’m asking but if anyone has anything that they think would be helpful I would greatly appreciate it.
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4 Replies
This is me, I work full time about 50 hours a week, plus study.
What saves me: I have a small place, so quick to clean.
If I won tattslotto I wouldn't buy a big house lol
I have very little stuff, so the place can't get too messy.
I trick myself into doing housework, without saying, I'm going to do housework now, because it is overwhelming.
If I do that, I get anxious and procrastinate.
So whilst watching telly, I fold a few clothes.
When I go to the toilet, I'll put on a load of washing.
When I am waiting for something to cook, I'll sweep the kitchen.
Before having a shower, I might sweep the bathroom.
When work and study is full on, I just tidy, to make myself feel better without the cleaning.
Having a place for everything is also a great trick, you don't even have to think about it.
Making my child be mostly responsible for their own room has also helped, but that took years.
Stick with it, teach your child, it will be worth it in the end, trust me.
Since you have just moved, have a massive clean out, toss all the stuff you really don't need, also less to pack away/find a place for.
When you live minimalistic, it really helps.
You don’t Need advice or systems, you need help. Tell your family that. You don’t need their opinions. Your plate is overloaded - permanently. Do they have your child for weekends? Sleepovers? School drop offs?
You have to give yourself credit for all you do, and start to realise that good enough is good enough for now. Get your work done and don’t lose your job. You’re winning! Get your pay check, pay your bills, enjoy your adult time, that’s what work is for.
You’ve just moved so you’re thinking in extreme but you are under a mountain of stress right now. Give yourself a few weeks to unpack and settle in. Sort out the nice new house, get the baskets and boxes you need. Get rid of the clutter as you unpack.
And in a few weeks, sit down and make a plan on how you will get your life balance in order. Work less? Alarms? Visual cleaning schedules? A timetable for your child? For yourself? For care for your child (either family or oosh).
Get help. Put it out on local FB pages - I have a single mum who cleans for me every week, for cash - she can't commit to a schedule and has a conviction from doing dumb stuff when she was young, so can't get a proper job.
She needs the cash, I need the help.
She even unpacked my kitchen when I moved.
There's always people on my local pages wanting odd jobs here & there, much cheaper than agencies.
See if there's a childcare worker who could come & supervise your daughter for a couple of hours while you get stuff done.
You are obviously a great mum. And you are keeping you and your daughter fed, clothed and housed. My house is never clean, sometimes it stresses me out but I try to cut myself some slack, I have 4 kids and it’s messy 5 minutes after I clean.
One of my kids has an adhd diagnosis, havent completed assessment for the others yet. One thing I’ve learned through the process is that it’s hereditary, and I quite likely have it as well. I can relate to your organisation issues and sense of overwhelm. I haven’t yet explored a diagnosis for myself, still trying to navigate it all for the kids. It might be worth considering though, an adult friend of mine has seen a real difference in his ability to keep on top of life admin etc since getting his diagnosis and help.