How do I tell my husband I dont love him any more.
We have been together 16 years, We have 2 kids together who are now in their early teens and I have 2 older kids that aren't at home but he has always excepted them as his own. He moved across the country away from.his family so I could be closer to mine
I have felt this way for a while i just don't know how to tell him. I honesty don't feel like this isn't just a moment that I can get past and that I can rebuild the connection we once had. I work away and some of the days i home i can't even stand to be around him, and only go home to spend time with the kids. If they weren't there I probably wouldn't even go home. I've been relocated to a job at home for a few weeks and I'm actually dreading being at home for that long period with him. (He isn't abusive and I don't even ever recall having a full blown argument with him)
Help, how do I tell him
Help, how do I tell him
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
9 Replies
Do you work FIFO?
It's a common thing.
You go away for work whilst the other spouse is at home, usually also has a job, plus takes care of the home and the kids alone.
They become "Boring" aka burnt out.
Hope you help out when you're home.
Person who works away meets more interesting people at work, decides they want to leave their partner.
Is there a third party involved?
I do work fifo, and yes do help out when I'm home
Definitely no third party involved.
When i am at work it is purely all work
So many people work FIFO and suddenly think they can do better, I've seen it time and time again.
They usually live to regret it.
I assume he will have majority custody, just bear in mind he may want to move home for family support.
I hope you let him.
That FIFO wage might not seem so good when a huge chunk goes to child support.
So when you're at work it's purely all work.
So when you're home, is it purely all family?
Doesn't sound like you are engaged in family life, you don't even want to be there and see your time at home as "visiting" your children.
You sound like an aunty, not a part of the household.
Grass is greener where you water it.
It’s actually nothing about thinking they can do better at all. FIFO changes so much more than that.
Yeah, you're right.
It's a lot more complicated than that.
I was lucky, my dad worked FIFO and he never became disconnected and his family was always his priority.
If we ever accidentally said when are you going home, he was always quick to correct us, you mean work.
His sole purpose of FIFO was to financially support the family and he never forgot that.
He loved coming home, spending time with my mum and all of us.
He would work non-stop, doing the yard, cleaning, helping mum, fixing anything that was broken.
I guess I've just been jaded, seeing a lot of men leave their partners suddenly or become incredibly selfish after working FIFO or having affairs when away.
I literally can't imagine him coming home and saying, I'm leaving you all.
It would have been gut wrenching.
Be honest without being brutal, try and separate on good terms and take on the effort involved. Pay child support. I hope you let him take the kids back to where he is from if he wants, not be one of those people that makes their exes stay somewhere they moved to for their work then leave them stranded while you see your kids when it suits you.
Maybe use that time at home to tell him that you can’t live like this anymore. I’ve lived the fifo life with my husband and it’s hard. He is very honest and faithful but me being home with kids, raising them alone and him coming home with no rules for them, allowing them to do what they want after my hard slog being strict for years, has torn us apart a few times. He gave it up at once point and we changed paths completely. It was the best thing for both of us. I can see how time apart, makes you feel this way. My husband works fifo now but with less commitment on a casual basis, hours that suit our family. If he went full time, we wouldn’t last.
Be gentle with your husband. When you are home, explain how much you love him and care about him but you find you want to be on your own now. You don’t need to be with him if you don’t want to.
Fifo makes you so independent, you just want to be alone most of the time doing your own thing. You only have you to think of mostly. He is at home and has him and the kids to think of. Just be mindful of how much he does and continues to do.
I'd want to be damned sure.
Throw in the job and get something at home.
Be there with him, as a family. Try to see if the person you loved is still there.
Spending time apart for most people brings about a disconnect. There's a reason so many FIFO relationships fail.
After a year you'll know if it's over for real.