I’m so tired of my partner not pulling his weight.
He works away half the time and that’s fine but when he’s home all he does is look at videos on his phone.
The other day I went for a bath alone as he was going to be away for a week straight and I just wanted time without being touched by our baby or seven year old.
Half an hour in I had to text him to ask why the baby was crying to get him to actually interact with our kids.
I’ve addressed the mental load with him, begged him to help me when he is home and it’s like he finds anyway not to. I offered him the option of bathing both kids or washing up after dinner, I always end up doing both because he conveniently always needs the bathroom where he gets distracted on his phone and spends thirty minutes in there.
He forgets to wash his work clothes till Sunday night every time and then I end up doing it, or he’s running around cranky.
He never cooks and if I mention I’m not feeling great we end up having takeaway (he can cook basics and refuses to learn to cook more)
I’m a stay at home mum but I’m exhausted raising a kid on the spectrum with odd and adhd and a baby and I’m so tired of begging him to help me. It’s almost easier to be alone at this point.
8 Replies
I had the same problem and still somewhat do.. turns out my partner has ADHD. Recently diagnosed recently at 37.
Some men are so useless. Stop doing things for him or kick him out, life is too short for such disrespect.
Gross. I think you need to make the decision for your life, js this what you’re accepting? Alone is easier and harder in different ways, but the decision is actually that being with him is not it, so keep moving forward.
Sounds like your partner has adhd. Not an excuse to be this useless but an opportunity for him to learn to work with the brain he has. If he was single he'd be able to do it, so he needs to figure it out. My ex, surprisingly, can actually run a house he can buy gifts for our kids and he can buy them clothes, cook, clean and do grocery shopping!
I could have written this. I'm so over trying to keep on top of everything by myself. When he does do anything it's like he's angry and makes the mood feel really tense.
Well this was me months ago. I flipped and realised I was doing it all on my own. Decided I wanted a divorce. He asked for counselling we did 2 sessions he seemed to think this fixed it all. No I have resigned myself to just doing it all and not bothering with him. I'm still married but that's only because I'm not in a place to be able to go. Wish I could say there's a silver lining, just strengthen yourself and do you first. Not the kids. I had to make that shift and it's hard but they benefit a healthier mum.
Don't do the dishes. Leave them for him and tell him again once he's finished his "business". Yes, it means you still carry the mental load. Yes, it won't be done straight away. Eventually, though, he'll get the point that he is expected to contribute instead of avoiding it for 30mins until you give in.
If he's a decent guy and just has hit a lazy streak and has begun taking you for granted, this will help him see what the expectations are.
If he's not worth your time, you'll very quickly find out.
I had the same situation. I asked, begged, stopped doing things, nothing helped. He just didn't see any benefit in helping, couldn't see the mess.
In the end we separated and three years later I am with a man who can pick up his own socks haha. Not all men are like this, its a choice they make to let you take on the work.