What sort of therapy have those who were cheated on taken?
I’m in a healthy relationship and recently went to a wedding with my partner. I lost my shit (at my partner outside, not inside for everyone to see) which I don’t do ever - because another woman grabbed him and danced with him on the dance floor - she pulled him from the bar where he was getting a drink. He pulled away and walked over to me but something snapped and I don’t think my normal therapy is helping.
Edit: I need to add I’ve been in my current relationship for 3 years with no issues like this, no trust issues etc. I really don’t know what triggered me and would love to know what others have done.
For the non-constructive criticism, thank you. It’s why I am here seeking help.
10 Replies
Good for you for recognising this and doing something about it. Your poor partner. How embarrassing. She was just having fun and you were there, it’s not like she wanted him. He is also a different person to the one who cheated on you. Keep remembering that else you will lose him. I have friends who act like this at times and I wish they’d aknowledge it and get therapy. I have been cheated on by my ex but my husband now, I am not jealous and trust him because he is a different, respectful person. Yes there is always doubt in the back of our heads but I think to myself, if he will do that then I’m better off without him and I deserve better. Maybe try and psychiatrist or some hypnotherapy?
Any decent psychologist will be able to help you develop the tools and healthy coping mechanisms you need for life after an unfaithful relationship.
That being said, you might need to consider if you're in the right place emotionally to even be in a new relationship right now. Truthfully, I think if you're losing your shit at a wedding over something so inconsequential and something he shut down immediately, you really might not be ready for relationship stuff.
When we don't properly heal from this kind of betrayal, we end up punishing the people who didn't actually hurt us and we can end up being the toxic one.
Imagine losing your mind over an innocent dance at a wedding . I feel sorry for your partner amd everyone else there. Imagine what they all think now ... that you're a jealous, uncontrollable nut case. You'll never be able to fix that now, hopefully the wedding guests aren't ppl you will see again . They already won't like you from that outburst. How does someone crack it like that over an innocent dance? It's not him who cheated, I take it. But you're going to lose him in due course if you don't pull your head in..
I'm pretty sure she understands that her behaviour was problematic and I'm pretty sure she knows this will create problems in her current relationship if she doesn't work on this issue - hence why she's asking about therapy specifically relating to the fall out of infidelity.
OP - ignore the non constructive comments like this. Speak to your current therapist about this interaction that clearly triggered you, if you no longer feel that you're getting the most out of therapy. Maybe it's time to find a new therapist/psychologist. You may also owe some apologies, owning your behaviour is a good place to start as well. Helps you have some accountability.
What’ a rude ignorant comment! She knows it’s wrong duh! That’s why she is here asking for advice. It’s also understandable after being Chester on, that she reacted this way.
Cheated on. 100% agree with the comment above. Ignore them.
Imagine losing your mind over an innocent post on a forum asking for help. I feel sorry for your partner for having to deal with someone who is this nasty. Imagine what everyone around you thinks of you... that you're so insecure you have to make nasty comments to someone asking for help. What an insecure, uncontrollable nut case. Everyone you know doesn't like you already from your higher-than-thou attitude. How does someone crack it like that over an innocent ask for help? You don't actually know this person, I take it. But you're going to lose more people if you don't pull your head in.
Do you see how ridiculous you sound?
How long were you single before you repartnered?
How long have you been seeing the therapist?
If you don't heal and do the work before you get into another relationship, you will most likely self sabotage the new relationship in the end.
You can stuff this crap away and ignore it, but it always rears its ugly head at some point.
This is why we always say to women be single for a while after a breakup, it is empowering and it makes you see you don't need a man to survive.
It makes you stand on your own two feet.
Then when you walk into a new relationship, you are secure, no jealousy/insecurities because you know if it doesn't work out, you're good on your own.
I have literally experienced this myself.
I'm at a point where I'm more comfortable alone lol so the guy would have to be amazing to get me to commit, any red flags or incompatibilities in the dating phase, I'm out.
I don't know how you fix it if you're in a relationship, keep trying the therapy I guess.
You've also changed the story since the first post, interesting, kind of trying to justify your reaction?
Appears to be added info to avoid speculation/assumptions.