If you’ve been cheated on and found out how did you find out? I have a big gut feeling that my husband is cheating! For the last 4+ months there has been absolutely no intimacy, no kissing, no more saying I love you to me, no nothing. He has changed all of his passwords and now takes his phone with him every where he goes including the shower. I have no access to his phone or emails or anything so I can’t really sus it out. I just know that he is doing something behind my back and it’s killing me. I have asked him and he literally told me that I am crazy and to shut the F up. He lost his shit and to me that screams guilty. I asked for his Facebook password and he gave me a fake because when I tried to log in it was incorrect. I’m feeling so lonely and broken 💔
18 Replies
He’s cheating 100% he won’t ever give you the truth. You have to play smart here , get sneaky and bust his ass!! Check his car also under seats, boot , glove box. Follow him if you need to. Do what it takes to find out. Sit outside his work anything. I don’t care what others say about this. You never get the truth from a cheater and it’s the only way to find out. Pretend you aren’t onto him. Once you get the proof then do what you have to do. You just know when you are being cheated on and you most definitely are.
Omg you need to leave, His response to you is exactly how my ex responded to me, All the same signs were there.
I found out, overhearing him speak to her, all when I had my suspicions. He still denied it.
I got rid of him the moment I heard it with my own ears. He ended up telling me the truth after I said , if you tell me everything it’s your only hope of me staying with you. Just be honest. He told me and I got his stuff and threw it out the front and told him to leave and never spoke to him again.
I cut him off for good. I Deserved better. How you deal with this now will affect your whole future. If you stay, you are accepting his behaviour and he won’t change.
If you go, you will be free to live the life and happiness that you deserve without a lying pig in it.
Typical response of a Chester. You should have left when he spoke to you like that. How dare he?
It’s hard to admit but this isn’t the worst he’s spoken to me in the 10 years we’ve been together. I’ve been called every name under the sun he’s also repeatedly told me I am ugly. Very hard to leave I have big self esteem issues. We have kids and a mortgage. I’ve been trying to get my ducks in a row before I leave. I’ve been abused financially, emotionally, verbally and physically by him. His day will come
🥺 you deserve so much better than this. Don’t let those things hold you back from leaving.
Have you got family that you can go and stay with? Start getting all your important documents together. Keep all these things somewhere , that you can get them easily enough. Make sure everything is there that you don’t need to go back for.
Ring 1800 respect. There is help, they can support you and help with safe ways to leave.
Your confidence won’t get better until you leave. Centrelink will also help. Ask the 1800 respect number for advice to get all these things in place, so when you leave you have money for you and your kids. They’ll get child support from him in time also.
Speak to a lawyer and they’ll organise your house etc. don’t let having a house stop you. You can always get another house but you can never get this life back. You only get one life, you need to make the most of it being happy and free of him.
He has put your confidence down because he’s a pig! Start looking after you. He’s the issue here, not you.
Him cheating is nothing to do with you. It’s everything about him. He’s an abusive liar.
You are much better than this. You can do this. Don’t allow to him to hold you where he wants you. He doesn’t own you. He has no right to treat you this way. You are stronger than you think. You can do this.
Take off and block his number until you’ve got things in place. Don’t communicate with him once you leave. He will manipulate you otherwise.
Girl, you already know he's cheating . Follow your gut. It's correct.
You don't need proof.
You're lonely and broken.
This is not how relationships work.
Boot him. YOU DON'T NEED PROOF. We don't do 'at fault divorces' and such, you don't need to prove anything.
You know as well as we do if it looks like a cheater is a cheater.
Be kind to yourself. Don't put yourself through this just because you don't have proof.
Doesn’t matter if he is cheating at this point. The abuse you mentioned in the comments is worth leaving him over alone. You deserve better and if there are kids you have a responsibility to them to leave the abuse. Make a plan and be out as soon as practical. Get ahead in all bills that are in your name pay a little extra a week so you have the credit when you transfer to a new residence. Buy debit cards each week from Woolies. You can use them anywhere eftpos is available and they add up. It’s also a part of the “shopping” going by the receipt so less obvious where $ are going. This is going to help with expenses in those first few weeks and help start again. If you are working even $30-$50 aside each week can make a decent saving if you can without him knowing. Sounds like he will get nasty so remove a small bag for each you and the kids and another with all important paperwork etc like birth certificates, insurance paperwork, banking documents, house deeds. Leave them with someone you trust 100% last thing I have to suggest is not bugger around agreeing on child support… let CSA do that and must be collected by them. Private never works and you need to get on your feet ASAP. In saying that depending on his circumstances you may not get much. Either way placing that with CSA takes away any argument there.
100% He is up to no good, typical behaviour and also trying to gaslight you is a massive red flag.
Do what you need to do to get hard evidence without him catching on, he’ll get sloppy and leave evidence of some kind trust me, my ex did.
I had a very strong feeling, I wish I listened to it..... On weekend, hunting, he'd not catch anything ... Nights out, "drank too much" to drive home. He'd start coming home from work late too.
One night, he was out, and I started getting inbox messages from his mistress.... He had just broken it off, and she felt like rubbing it in my face. Sending me a screen shots of all their conversations. I was shattered. I convinced him to come home. I had it out. He tried to gass light, didn't work. I was already manically depressed ... It led to a nervous break down. It nearly killed me, and that scared him. He had never seen me so broken. He went to my therapy sessions with me. It took a year before he earned my trust back. I still have moments of panic, but he makes sure I know where he is all the time. He stays home more with the kids and I'm the one going out.. we go hunting as a family now, and on the odd occasion he goes with out me, he takes out son, he's texting me constantly, and comes home with a kill every time. He's home right after work. When he goes out with out me, he's always home early. Talks about his night, whitch he never used to do
He worked hard on saving out relationship. We both sore where we were failing each other.
All these signs you mentioned. Please don’t take his abuse. Speaking to you like this and cheating! You are so much better Mumma. Start doing some things that make you feel better about yourself. buy yourself some new clothes, go have dinner with a friend. Start enjoying yourself and making plans to get away from him. You won’t get confidence back, while he is there hammering it. You can get away from him and you deserve to be treated better than this. Don’t let your low confidence keep you there. Tell yourself, I can do this, I deserve better and I will get my confidence back once I leave him because you will. You will become a new person.
He has long term abused you so you do not feel worthy of anything better and also so you constantly question your own intuition.
You now need to find proof so that you feel you have enough to leave him without realising you never need that proof. The fact that he is treating you like dirt is enough. You deserve better.
If you do decide to pursue this do not not let on anything is wrong and act normal. He will slip up. I would be trying to spot that password over his shoulder or wait for his phone to ding when he leaves it somewhere and see the little bit on the screen and other sneaky things.
However, you need to ask yourself what having that concrete proof means to you? Is it so you can try to fix things or so you feel you have enough to leave him?? If it's the latter then stop, you already have enough. Do not stay anywhere where you feel this unhappy, whether he is cheating or not. He is already betraying your trust in him every time he treats you like dirt.
((Hugs))
I followed him plus searched his vehicle and found evidence! No way you’re ever going to get the truth from him, you need to be sneaky!
I was watching him, watching some woman on a gaming stream. He seemed more friendly than usual. I joked and questioned him just for him to laugh it off and say ‘nah she’s too fat’. I left it. He was never one to be funny with his phone, but one day our daughter used it for a torch.. and he got angry and defensive.
We were on the way to his Nanas funeral. Stopped at a shop where he left his phone in the car and noticed a chat notification pop up from this woman. So I opened it.
I was not prepared for what I opened.
A full chat of ‘I love you’ and sexual chat, talking about how horrible I was ( I had just had a baby and couldn’t have sex ) he was always gaming and never had time for me so I was leaving him to do his thing while o dedicated myself to being a Mum.
Upon further investigation, I found he was also sleeping with another woman for around 6 months while telling me he was working ( he works a 24/h roster so often works nights) our baby was 5 months old!!!!
I had to hold it together for the whole day of the funeral. Playing off my heartbroken tears as grief. Comforting him while trying to look after our son during the funeral. It was HARD. I confronted him and looked through more when we got home. His reaction was anger towards me about going through his phone when I apparently shouldn’t of.. I was blamed. I will always trust my gut now. Our minds and soul pick up on these changes to protect us for a reason. Always trust your gut!
Go to your Google Account.
On the left navigation panel, click Data & privacy.
Under "History settings," click My Activity.
To view your activity: Browse your activity, organized by day and time. At the top, use the search bar and filters to find specific activity.
Get a friend or family member to call you on his phone because yours is conveniently flat.. then just say I’ll take the call in the bedroom.. while you are talking to them go through his phone. But keep talking so he knows you are on the phone..
Can you see his location at all? Snapchat? Family sharing app? Check his phone bill? I’d be stalking him to see if he is catching up with someone. Could even be in his lunch break.
I read you are worried to leave because of low self esteem etc.. if you find out he is cheating you can tell him to get out. Fingers crossed he would because he is guilty.. Then try and sort out where you go from there.
If you’re in Melbourne Eastern Suburbs I’d be happy to try help you catch him out with you.
Your gut has already told you the answer.
I was cheated on and found it in his phone while he was sleeping. Much like you my gut was telling me something was off, so I got just as sneaky as he was being.
Apart from what he's doing bring wrong, the way he speaks to you sounds horrible.
Set yourself up ready to leave and tell him your done.
yup, he's cheating. you've got the proof with taking his phone everywhere password changes and the lack of respect he has for you. been there, it was a 6m affair. kick his ass out. it's hard and will be hard for a while but fk him. I left a 14.5 yr relationship. and now happier than ever!! you can do this!!!!!