How much privacy do you give your 15 year old child? How much is too much and how much is too little. Child has a phone has Snapchat, Instagram and be real or whatever it is. We won’t allow Facebook just yet. Tonight I’ve discovered child has restricted myself from instagram stories from seeing anything they post.
Should this be a red flag or should
I just assume they don’t want me knowing their business.
They are usually a good child, only ever in trouble for talking at school nothing major.
This parenting gig is so hard seriously.
Never roams the street, etc etc. but the whole “ do it for Dolly” just constantly runs through my head and it worries me, they are a typical teenager and spends their whole life in their room until one becomes hungry.
am I being too much of a helicopter parent! I don’t know.
I never go through their phone, phone has a lock on it. I don’t know the password, child isn’t restricted to be home at all but must be home by 6pm every night. Child mainly goes hangs out with friends or is at the gym until that time.
I’d love to know how you all deal with this.
26 Replies
Good job mum!! Love seeing parents actually taking notice of what their kids are going on phones. She has hidden you for a reason.
My teen 15 and 14 don’t have phones. I think as strict as possible. I personally wouldn’t allow social media if my kids did have phones.
My daughter often tells me things that kids tell her at school and the photos of these girls posting on themselves in Gstrings etc.
Little did one of the girls know that I actually know her mum. Her mum told me she doesn’t have Instagram. Her mum believed that. Didn’t check her home nothing and took her word for it.
I showed the mum her daughters Instagram, there was her daughter in a gstring on her profile pic. Her mum was horrified. She took her phone away and went through it and couldn’t even tell me the things she found. She was disgusted.
Even though your daughter is a good girl, don’t think she won’t post things, to fit in because they do. My daughter tells me all the time about peer pressure and how her friends follow what the others do and get teased if they don’t.
The biggest part of my kids not having phones, is that I don’t have to worry about any of this. It’s a huge relief. I see what my friends kids do and have done and it’s such a worry.
I am so glad the Dolly message is making people stop and think. Protecting our kids mental health should be priority and it all starts with phones.
Social media is scary but unfortunately it’s apart of our lives wheather we like it or not.
Im proud of you mumma for being so strong and not allowing phones yet, I kinda wish I did the same. But I guess that parent guilt got to me when he was 13 years old.
What does blow my mind is these 8 year old kids who have phones, ahhhh over my dead body…
Im pretty sure he is just posting gym selfies but apparently it’s weird if I was to see that. Even though he walks around the house flexing 24/7 without a shirt on 🤦🏼♀️
I knew a really good kid, very smart, wasn't allowed a phone, social media etc so he had an account on a friend's phone.
He never did anything bad, was a very sensible kid, but he felt left out.
He is 23 now and to this day his mum doesn't know.
No harm was done, but just letting you know.
I find my child knows more about internet safety than me, they get so much education on it at school.
I think it is great how the school includes it in the curriculum these days.
And you were monitoring his phone were you? Trouble is no one knows what messages kids/teens receive on social media or what they are doing.
it shouldn’t be up to schools to provide this. If parents give them phones and allow social media then they should be dealing with it. This is a parents job!
Yes, when you don't allow it and they go behind your back, you can't control it.
That's my point.
Why do they spend so much time in their room? Don’t allow it.? Isolation with phones is the worst. Make her come out and take her phone off her. Restrict it to an hour each night or so.
If you allow Instagram, snap chat and the rest. Why not facebook? I’m told Facebook is for old people😂 social media is all the same. Kids have way too much free reign these days.
Because Facebook would mean another social media account that he would spend more time on his phone scrolling on, so the answer is no.
They don't want to use FB as it's boring and for old ppl. I have an 18yo and IG, TikTok, Snapchat and the like are what's used. FB is a bit of a laughing stock cause your parents and nana use it and post stupid shit on it (according to him lol).
So back to the issue. Get the control back or say no devices after a certain time (9pm) and devices have to be in the kitchen or with parents after that time. We found that leaving devices in living room overnight didn't work as son would wake up at night and do stupid shit.
But they don’t want Facebook. So if you allow one, you may aswell allow them all. They’d be less likely to use Facebook.
Facebook is embarrassing for teens. So this mum should actually say no social media except Facebook and bluff her 😂
My son says fb is for single mums and boomers lol
Mind you, I'm a single mum :)
My kids are too little for phones but my sister in law had some rules for phone use by her daughter. Agree to tracking and mum must know all passwords. I thought it was a bit much but she explained that it meant the mum knew she was safe and her daughter knew she was safe because mum knew all.
Oh I didn’t mention that my Son also agreed to tracking. He knows where I am and I know where he is at all times.
I always think of how close they are to being an adult and will need to learn to manage these things by themselves eventually anyway. 15 is an important age for privacy, it's figuring out sexuality and exploring that, it's finding your people and finding your own pathway, becoming an independent person thats able to make their own decisions and set their own boundaries. Yes we still have to keep them safe but by this age that should be them trusting you enough to tell you when something isn't right. If we continue to search through messages, track locations and enforce our own boundaries they are never going to feel trusted so they will feel as though they can't trust you back.
No thanks I’ll do what it takes to protect my 15 year old. I have built trust with my kids without technology. I’ll do what it takes the protect them and their mental health from the vile trolls and bullies out there. Not to mention the creeps.
Different commenter...sometimes when you deny them regular stuff that all the other kids do, they do it behind your back and then you have no way of monitoring it at all.
You also can't have those important conversations when they tell you about something that happened on sm.
Kind of like the kids who never had a beer or two at home and turn 18 and go crazy because it's such a big deal.
Now's the time to teach and guide because when they're adults, we don't get a say.
I also don't think you should ever parent from a place of fear.
The world is a horrible place, but we have to give our kids the tools to live in it.
My daughter (15) has a youtube page (her area of interest) and she deals with trolls often.
Their opinion holds no weight with her, she's resilient, she blocks them and moves on with her day.
She knows the comments they make aren't about her but a reflection of them.
We often laugh at the trolls.
Kids are so much better than us with all this because they've grown up with it.
I think learning how to engage on social media (what to share, what not to share) is an important skill we need to teach our teens these days, no different to keeping their room tidy.
She has also made some great connections with people all over the world and the majority of her interactions are positive.
She can engage with like-minded people from everywhere.
She's also learnt so much, honing her skills in her area of interest.
No matter how much you ignore the internet, it's still there.
No different to keeping their room tidy 🤦🏼♀️ they don’t even compare. Keeping a room tidy does not affect a teens mental health. I for one wouldn’t want my kids seeing anything from trolls. You may think your daughter is ok with it but plenty aren’t and one day it may just hit her at the wrong time. She also prob acts like it doesn’t bother her. Deep down it would have to. Some things on social media are vile.
Hang on, you have stated that they have IG and Snapchat, which are some of the worst offenders. FB etc are nothing.
Exactly!! All of it is crap and anyone who defends it, does it out of their own guilt. Because they allow their kids on these pages and have no idea what they get up to. Social media is the worst thing for any kids mental health.
Are you an older mum? lol
If you count 35 as old yes 😂
To the mum who is protecting her 15 year old from sm, what is going to happen when your daughter does get a phone? You also sound like you're letting anxiety control you and it's heavily influencing how you parent. Maybe you've experienced being bullied yourself online or know of a teenager who has and suffered?
Youtube doesn't really have a lot of trolls, only the people with a lot of followers get them.
So if you get the odd troll, it's like, I've made it lol
Anyway, your mind is so closed, you don't know the difference between the different platforms, which will be your downfall.
You need to get into their world.
To me it's about intention.
If my daughter had IG and was constantly posting selfies for everyone to comment and get validation, rather than having a youtube hobby page, maybe I would feel different.
This is her passion.
Your child is out until 6 most nights and has a phone, I think it’s a bit late now to try and control that. You also don’t know the passwords. I think you have given too much freedom from the start and it’s hard to tighten that now. You can make them hand the phone over when they come home at 6 and they don’t get back until the next morning but I think you have allowed too much freedom so early on. It will be hard to undo.