How do I help my daughter understand that some times I hate being touched.
I have bipolar, and some times I absolutely HATE being touched. Don't think my daughter doesn't get hugs, omg we have some snuggle sessions. She gets plenty of love and cuddles.... but some times, I just need my personal space, and feel suffocated with the slightest of touch. She's young, only 8yo. She gets really upset when I ask her to move over, or to not lean on me. I try to explain that I can't help feeling this way, and that it's not her fault.
6 Replies
Give her an extra big squeeze then move. I also set timers where they have to leave me alone. My time. They set it on their iPad now and come running when times up but it’s worth it for your sanity. Just make sure she’s getting her full, even girls this old need so much contact daily to feel grounded and connected. Also, could you set up massages or washing or styling her hair or something like that instead of her just rubbing and leaning on you. Or just activities where you give her lots of attention and you’re together. Cooking? Busy hands etc.
I got the same way but I pushed through it. I knew in that moment it was more important for them. I did this because I never wanted to withdraw affection like my mother did. It was awful.
My children became teenagers and then they stopped hugging me lol. This stage is only temporary. I thought my youngest would never stop as she was often all over me but she did. Now I jokingly try to get hugs out of them.
My mother mentioned she did not like affection and wanted me to tell my kids when they were little and I told her no. They only ever briefly hugged her goodbye. As time went on I could see her lean into those hugs and move towards them first. Hugs I never got as a child. I find it physically/emotionally uncomfortable at times but it's my problem, not theirs. I endure that for them so they do not grow up with the same issues.
I know you have said you do hug your child but please just keep in mind to not go too far. I have that tendency to forget to show affection because I was not shown any. Be the one to sometimes initiate it. That can help. You are going to love the teen years lol.
Often I hate being touched. I never reject my kids' hugs, though. I breathe through it and hug them briefly, then if I'm really struggling, I let go and say 'that was lovely, I love your hugs! Now mummy needs a little bit of physical space for a few minutes but that's not about you, and doesn't mean I don't want you near me. Tell me about your day/what you're reading/let's do something together' and give them eye contact and attention instead.
I might use a bit of overkill, though, because I got nought affection, physical or emotional, as a child, and am focused on ensuring my kids get plenty. My parents hug the kids constantly and I find that difficult on a personal level as I wonder why I was never good enough to receive it, but don't let it show.
This isn't only a bipolar thing, I don't have BD and I hate being smothered , tapped, or touched without warning with a passion too.
I am not touchy. I make a bit of a joke of it.
Eg…OK hugged out now, off you go.
Make a ring with my hands…my space…come back later.
My hubby is super touchy, he has ADHD maybe its a sensory thing. I tell him to hug himself.
I was inappropriately touched as a child, I have big rules about how I can be touched.
My kids are now in high school, love a snuggle while watching TV in bed or other forms of affection. But they definitely know I love them to bits and its me
I actually get a bit of flack from my friends of not hugging.
I just say…not a hugger
I tell my kids I've run out of hugs and kisses and need to recharge lol