My childrens grandmother is very toxic. I won't go into all the things she's done because it will take forever and I don't think many people would believe it anyway, it's like she fell out of a horror movie. She's also very charming and can win people over very easily. She cut contact with 2 of my kids when they were teenagers, which I had no problem with but the kids were left to feel rejected because their Dad (her son) also cut contact which i would say was her intent. Now my kids are young adults and one of them is talking to her and she's invited him to live with her so he's closer to Tafe. I'm scared she's going to brainwash him against me and his siblings. I have spent their whole lives trying to shield them from her behaviour and making excuses for her so they didn't get hurt but now I'm thinking i need to tell them everything so they know what kind of woman she is. Has anyone been through this from my perspective or my sons? Did you believe what had been said? It's not a case of letting them figure things out for themselves with this woman shes very manipulative and has a way of creating turmoil while standing back looking innocent.
4 Replies
Get in first . For their own sanity, they need protecting . I've been there . They still see their grandmother, ( their dads mum) ,but with caution.
Yes of course tell him. Sit him down and talk to him and tell him you don’t want him going there.
My kids are aged 12 and 15. I don't shelter them from the fact that my mother is a conniving piece of work.
When they were little I used to make excuses for their nan because I didn't want them to feel hurt. I quickly realised that I wasn't actually protecting my children's hearts but I was creating this unrealistic idea of their nan that only benefited my mother and she did not deserve that after a lot of the shit she pulled.
Obviously it's a tad late for you to take that approach but you can and probably should sit down and have an open chat with your kids about your concerns. I'd tell them that if they want to build a relationship with their grandmother, you support them in that but you want them to be cautious because of x,y,z.
I have a father who is a narcissist. My mother was always very age appropriate and honest with me and how we handle him. It took until I was in my 30s to cut contact with him.
Be honest, tell him what has happened. Let him know she can appear charming but you’re worried because of your lives experiences. Let him know you’re never going to stop him talking to his grandmother but you’re worried what her agenda is.