Slight back story, my husband cheated on me (again) so I kicked him out valentine's day.
I decided I would give in to my hoe-phase & joined tinder... (no shaming!)
ANYWAY after chatting to a guy for a little while, we decided to meet up. He came over & we talked for hours..
When he left he added me on snap & had his last name & I realised he is actually my best friends brother. Before he left we wanted to meet up for a date.
I told him straight away when I realised what the deal was. He said he had already figured that out from tinder & I was like oh dear.
I had never actually met him before & my friend has explicitly asked me not to match him. (He didn't have his first name on tinder, he had his middle name).
Edited for the actual question: do I tell my friend?
Edit #1: I was staying at a property (owned by my work) in his town for work, i work from home 3 weeks & then i work at the other town for 1 week. We had "met" in passing at their parents' house in that he was leaving as I was arriving or visa versa over the last several years. I had never been introduced to him or paid much attention to him previously.
Edit #2: he said after I told him that he assumed I knew who he was, because he knew who I was from pictures on tinder & because he has seen me (same pictures) on his sister's social media. We didn't talk about our families in the interactions prior
Edit 3# he told me where he worked because I asked him & when he did, I asked if he knew my other friend's husband who also works there. He said yes & I then spoke to my friend's husband simply to suss out if he was in a relationship as I had been caught in that situation before with tinder.
Edit# 4 I do not want a relationship with this man. I just don't want to hide it from my friend, even though I wouldn't care if one of my friends slept with my brother(s) she obviously does. I just wanted advice on whether anyone had been in the situation before & would they want to know. We don't plan on hooking up again.
Edit #5 I told my friend, she was disappointed but understood what happened (& she spoke to her brother who confirmed it all.)
Super rude comments on the website unimpressed
32 Replies
I think she wouldn’t want this to happen because it’s awkward for her. You are her friend and that’s her brother. She might have other reasons also. I’d say he probably knew who you were already. He’s prob a player and she wants you to stay clear of him. Just move on from him, if you don’t like him and don’t plan on seeing him again, she doesn’t need to know. It’s not her business. Let it go, find someone else but do it safely and not at your home. Meet up for dinner with guys and get to know them. Don’t bring them into your kids home when they are strangers. Just a reminder. Not putting you down. Sometimes we get so caught up in the moment that we forget about the dangers. I wouldn’t tell your friend. Just move on.
So, he actually works with another friend's husband & I asked him first.. I felt okay about having him there based off the way my friend's husband talked to me.
He isn't a player, like me he's just gotten out of a long term relationship.
You just told the other girl above this post that it pretty much wasn't at your home,
after saying that it was and yet on here you are implying that is was , in fact, your home? Fkn liar, lol . You can't even keep a story straight.
Nah, I said "here" not "my house".
No honey, don't lie again. You said hs 'came around' . To where? Your house, obviously.
It doesn't matter where, according to you, you met a random guy from the internet in private.
That's dangerous.
Who just happened to be your best friend's brother.
What are the chances?
Because apparently you didn't know your bestfriend's brother worked in that town.
Or worked at that place.
You met him a few times but didn't remember his face.
Obviously not a friend of your best friend on social media, so never saw any pics of him.
Your friend whose husband works with him doesn't t know of your best friend at all.
Basically no one knows anything about anyone.
Just one coincidence after the other, crazy!!!!
I would buy a lottery ticket if I were you.
It's not that deep. Don't take it so seriously my goodness. CHILL OUT
No best friend of mine has stupid friendship rules like this; she's clearly not a bestie at all is she. If you like him, go for it ! If she was truly your 'bestie' she still would be, weather you date her bro or not . Sounds to me she's hiding something from you tho. Again, it's not how best friends behave at all.
If this was my best friend, I would come clean about what has happened and then I would ask her reasons why. If she is still unhappy I would not see him again because there are plenty of men out there and I value my friendship more than some man I met once.
This is exactly what I think, too.
Good friendships deserve respect.
Agree, but it's probably not just "some guy" she only met once, she's probably had eyes for him for years lol
Id feel really creeped out that you talked for hours and he didn’t bring up the connection. He did not assume you knew, that’s bull. You sound like you’re lying because otherwise you need to be way more picky over men, this is a massive red flag.
Don’t tell your mate. Don’t call him again. Now you know, move on.
Yeah, honestly this shocked me.
If I'd have known I would have said something at minimum buy, because I value my friendship, I wouldn't have even matched with him.
Unless it’s for good reason and she needs to protect you then it’s none of her business. You could tell her and ask her why? What will it change. Best to just move on and forget him.
"Nice chatting with you dude, hope you meet someone".
End of story.
See how easy that was?
It's not HIM that's the issue. I've already told him I won't be seeing him again.
I wanted to know if I should tell me friend
If my best friend kept this from me I would be questioning our friendship. We share so much and this is not some little thing. Someone else will most likely tell her and it's best if it comes from you
Why would who your best friend dates need to be run by you first? What kind of entitled person thinks like that? All adults, it's got absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.
It's not that my best friend needs to approve of my dates. It's this is her best friends brother. She will most likely find out anyway and because she went to the trouble of asking you specifically not to date him. Out of respect for her I would want to at least know why. It's not that I need her permission. It's a respect thing and I would not want to lose a friend over this shit.
Nope, I would not be wasting energy on a friendship with weird control tactics, hopefully the OP reassesses the friendship.
That's just it. You've pulled the pin on it, you never dated, you never hooked up. There's nothing to tell.
It doesn't have to be as hard as you're making it.
Agree, move on then you don’t have to tell her , you’ve handled it. She doesn’t have to know your every detail, and so what if she does find out, you can hold your head high that you handled it right by your friendship, right?
I have not read through the comments but can imagine what they are lol. How dare you have sex haha. I would be wondering why she was so against you matching her brother. If there was no real reason then it almost sounds very controlling of her. You can't control who your brother or best friend date. It kind of comes off possessive, I would look at the whole relationship with her and see if you can notice any other times she may have acted a bit weird, like maybe stopped you from seeing other friends, got involved in your marriage etc etc. Sometimes it takes a while to see if someone is being toxic.
Maybe read the comments, nothing to do with sex "haha".
I did and as usual a bunch of jealous women trying to find a problem with a single Mum having casual sex lol.
Lol what a Gronk you are, she's right , you 'still' didn't read the comments. Idiot much. It's nothing about casual sex . Wake up.
Happily says didn't read the comments, but makes stupid assumptions, what an idiot.
Seriously? What's with the name calling? Grow up
Geez calm down people, she’s only asked if she should tell her best friend. She doesn’t need any lectures or for people to pick her story apart. She doesn’t need to explain anything else to any of you. Either answer her question or stop trying to make this about something isn’t not. Ohhh she’s lying, ohhh seriously grow up!
This post went from when I date my best friend's brother, do I tell her or sneak behind her back to, I don't want to date him, never considered it, should I tell her?
Anyway, her best friend brought her story, she must be relieved.
LOL not once did I ever say I wanted to date him! Or that I wanted to sneak around behind her back. I said I had realised the situation & I wanted advice on whether to tell me friend.
Yep, it happens all the time. Words picked apart and blown up. It happened to me before on here and I had to add my life story that had nothing to do with my problem just to keep them happy. Just answer the question ladies lol.