Hi,
The other night I seen hubby's phone in the bathroom, I grabbed it just to check something and seen in safari there was an article called 'how to hide a snap account'.
Taking it back about 2 weeks ago our 15yo seen him sending messages on snap to a blonde haired emoji and that he had turned the phone from me. Our 15yo tried to get a pic of it bit the flash was on so turned the phone last second so it wasn't obvious. They told me once we got home and I sat on it for a few days before I just blurted it out. He said it was his mate or sister. I had a quick look and didn't see anything suss.
Back to finding the article on his phone, I immediately got into snapchat and seen a girls name who I know from around our town and I opened it to see she had a photo up of the corner of a motel room with txt on the pic, my hubby had replied with one of his avatar emojis 'nice' .
I asked who she was, waiting to see what he told me and he said it was a woman who I used to work with that we were all friendly with. I asked how long he had been messaging her for and he said the once. I asked if I could download a report that will show me how much he has been talking to her and it caught him off guard and stumbled said no at first as he didn't know what I was saying, then said yes. By now I'm in the kitchen he gives me his phone I start the process but I am shaking so much he takes it from me to finish doing it.
While he is finishing that I am on my phone idk what I was doing but he starts saying we should both delete snap, I don't use it at all so idc. Before I am done doing what I am, he deletes his account.
The receives an email to say the report is ready, I try to download it but because he has deleted his account we can't get the report. We can't get the account back.
I spent Easter weekend crying but we also spend alot of time talking and we realise we had both been neglecting the other. I have this narrative in my head that he was spending alot more time messaging her than what he is saying.
I believe in my whole heart that he would never ever physically cheat, but unintentionally have an emotional affair.
It's been almost a week and i keep asking if we can bring his account back by trying a few different things, granted I ask while we are busy and he says yes. But once home I wait for him to offer it up but he never does, he says it makes him feel like he is guilty that I want it but swears on everything nothing was going on and it was one snap.
Ohh he also had requested a download of his fb data and I seen the notification, I downloaded it onto my phone and seen he had searched her on fb a week prior, only the one time, along with searching his exes! So this makes me think he is telling the truth.
I told him either we get that snap account back or I'm going to my sisters, he said he Def wants the account back.
What do I do? I know his passwords for everything, he isn't that tech savvy as I usually have to help him with alot. My eating and sleeping is messed up. I have this little voice in my head telling me it's all my fault that I'm not goof enough, I have put on way too much weight (which is true) if I was a better wife he wouldn't have done this. I have been stressing so much I have 'D' and cramps, alot!
Do I really want that report? I need to know what others think or would do. We have been together 20yrs, married and kids.
14 Replies
Grabbed it to 'check something ' . Yeh righto.
Just as well she did or he would still be lying his arse off and hiding it like the snake he is.
This is NOTHING to do with you and your weight & everything to do with him being sly and getting caught out! Go to your sisters and let him know that you will not put up with this.
Even if you get the report, he’s going to have a story for it.
You are putting way to much blame on yourself here for absolutely no reason at all.
You are the mother of his kids and already do Enough. You don’t spend your time chatting to men.
STOP blaming yourself for his sneaky and untrustworthy behaviour.
I’ve put on weight too. I couldn’t care less because I am busy being mum and if my husband doesn’t like it, he can leave. A marriage is standing by each other and speaking to each other and supporting each other.
The only extra weight you have, is the weight on your shoulders that he has put on you for being a dirty sly and untrustworthy husband.
He is still lying to you. You wouldn’t even know if he’s been cheating with her.
Remember the words it only ever happened once, take that as it only ever happened many times, I just got caught once.
if you stay, you are showing him, how little he will be punished for it , to do it again.
Leave and show him, this is a big No No in your marriage and you won’t put up with it, no matter how small he tries to make it look.
Your own son could see him message her. How desperate was he to msg her when your son was close by.
Forget your weight and blaming yourself, it’s nothing about you or what you’ve done wrong. This is 100% him and his problem.
💯 percent this
Pretend you believe him. You have his passwords. Get into his phone and check when he’s asleep. I’d want to see the report, you don’t get the truth from him. There won’t be a report!
This! They get sneakier the more you call them out. So you need to act like everything is fine and find out. I learned this the hard way.
He is covering his ass 100% don’t fall for it. We should both delete snap ? Why should you. You are messaging other men, like he is women. He is up to something and this isn’t your fault at all.
If you were a better wife? I’m sorry what? Let that nonsense go out if your mind.
You mean if he was a better husband, he wouldn’t have done this.
Oh no lovely, he was caught out! If there was not anything to hide his number one priority would be to reassure you there is not! Don't you dare let him push this back on to you, your lack of trust OR whatever other lame excuse he tries to weasel his way out of it.
Stop looking for the proof and trust your intuition. If something is off, it is off and you do not need any more proof. How many times has he hid it or lied to you already? That is enough evidence on its own. As for the unknown, our intuition is usually right and it's sole purpose is to stop us from getting hurt. When you know, you know.
This is not on you. There are plenty of women who look like goddesses who have been cheated on.
My depression lifted when I got away from my ex. I realised the whole time my gut had been screaming at me that I was unhappy but I kept ignoring it. Turned out mine was sleeping with everything that walked and a whole lot of people knew about it. After I left my weight dropped and my confidence came back too.
Trust your gut lovely, if there's something to hide, he will hide it. He is not an honest person, you have proof of that and that is enough.
Remember you are enough and you deserve better!!! 💗
What if I told you that you don't need proof? You don't need to see any report?
You caught him out. You don't trust him, apparently for good reason. He's not the person you believed he was. This is changing how you feel about yourself (negatively). It's enough as is. If you're done you're done. You don't need anything else.
Last year my partner did something I would’ve been fine with if he’d let me know, but he didn’t and then lied about it. When I found out I was furious. It very nearly broke our relationship because I struggled with moving forward and he couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just get over it. The more he told me it wasn’t a big deal the more I was upset because if it wasn’t a big deal why lie?
Your partner lied to you. And instead of doing what you needed he made it hard to move forward. Not only that but at some point he’s made you feel like he made the choice because of you. When it was his choice and he may have only done it once and that’s fine but until he works with you actively to get past it? You will have a hard time moving on alone.
Men think that things are over if you talk about it once, they don’t like that it takes time for you to move forward because for them it’s done.
Get the report! He’s lying to you and hoping to manipulate you out of seeing it.
Also my husband acted not tech savvy and I helped him with everything.
One day I stumbled across just one thing he forgot to delete and I found out he was very very tech savvy and managed to hide numerous chats with women and lots of naked photos in secret apps
When your 15 year old knows their dad is a shady cheater, it's time to move on.
They obviously want you to know, whilst you bury your head in the sand.
What an extremely unhealthy, toxic environment.
If you don't leave, what are you teaching your kids?
And please note, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
He's a dirty rotten cheater, he would do the same to Angelina Jolie.
You've got this xxx
Sorry you are going through this.
Sounds like he is searching for something and his not looking for it in your relationship. Its hard not to blame yourself - been there - but this is him not you.
My advice is- do what you need to do for you to be mentally strong and be informed so whatever conversations happen you are ready. Know your financial position, your personal affairs etc before any tough conversations- just so you are in the know
If he is thinking of straying or has I guarantee he has all ready thought about this side of things
good luck x