Recently our family has been rocked by a once healthy working parent being diagnosed with stage four cancer. I want to help the healing process as much as possible by elevating stress in other areas.
Any testimonies of what helped others heal?
Any financial or physical services we should sign up for? (in Qld)
How does one get more affordable healthcare / medicines?
Currently not on any pensions or benefits at the moment. Do we just visit Centrelink? Medicare?
Some folks are already talking about 'when she goes back to work again' which seems positive - but I feel is (possibly unhelpful) pressure.
Shouldn't killing this cancer be the mission? Stress won't help that right??
Thank you,
from broken hearted x
9 Replies
It really depends on treatment options and the type of cancer. A lot can be going on that you aren’t aware of in the medical appointments and while a stage 4 cancer diagnosis can vary depending on the type of cancer.
Some people can live very normal lives depending on the type of cancer even with a stage 4 diagnosis. It also may not be an option to ‘beat it’ or ‘get rid of it’ or ‘killing it’ may not be an option. But living with it maybe.
My aunt is in the living with it phase. She has been being treated for a number of years. It will never go away, but she is doing very well and other than getting a bit fatigued lives a very normal life.
But again, that can vary greatly on the type of cancer. Not all cancers are the same type of cancer. Even in breast cancer, they aren’t all the same type of cancer, there are many types that all can have varying prognosis and treatments.
It’s not particularly helpful to compare how one person copes with another because they don’t likely have the same disease at all!
As for people saying when she goes back to work. That can just be different peoples ways of dealing with things. Try not to get hung up on what people say and how they handle it. Unless it’s bothering the person themselves. It’s not a big deal. The hope of working maybe what’s keeping the persons spirits up!
If you really want to help, ask the person what they need. The cancer council has a hotline and they can help with services and ways to navigate the system. They even have hotels for people who live far away from treatment.
PS very close relative who is an oncologist.
Stage 4 isn't about killing cancer unfortunately, it's about trying to slow it as much as possible. Is this your partner? Let her lead the way with work etc. Look into accessing life insurance and super, she should be able to draw on it now. Go to Centrelink to see if she's eligible for anything.
The best source of help my parents found was the Cancer Council. They have access to all of the information and supports that you could need.
Be very aware that no two cancer journeys are the same and how that person may cope is up to them to work out. There is very little in the world of cancer treatment that they can control, so allow them to control that one little piece that they can of how they want to cope with it
I think the returning to work thing, is a coping mechanism. Take all the help you can get through cancer council, social workers, centrelink. Creating memories and focusing on health is what’s important right now and just being there to listen and lean on.
I think you mean "relieving stress in other areas"? Not elevating? Not being picky at all but it changes the context on a sensitive subject for some people. Just pointing it out 😀
Alleviating
All of this is so dependent on what type, where it is, what the doctor had said etc etc.
Best thing to be… a listening ear. People cope in different ways. Chemo may help with symptoms and prolonging life, or it may help reduce the size of the cancer so it can be operated etc.
I know Pembrolizumab is the current “wonder” drug - and it gives people hope, but usually stage 4 immunotherapy again is about prolonging life and not “fixing” cancer as such.
Best thing, again is to be a listener. Help fulfil that person with loving kindness, fill their fridge and freezer with easy to cook/reheat meals and do whatever they want to help in this phase of their life. Your right, stress doesn’t help x
All the best.
So sorry to hear.
Just want to let you know that I have a family member with stage 4 breast cancer (went to brain, she had brain tumour removed and the rest chemo) and has been fine for the last ten years.
Stage 4 isn't necessarily the death sentence it once was, it depends on the type of cancer, how fast growing etc.
Sending you light and love x
I'm a rehab & return to work officer, so I do deal with these situations professionally. And yes, we talk about returning to work as early as possible - not to pressure people, but to remind them that they have a support system.
I've had plenty of people come to work in between bouts of treatment (their choice) because it helps them feel more normal, they feel like they're contributing finacially, and it gives them something to think about other than I HAVE CANCER.
I had a workmate that I didn't know well at all, once tell me that he appreciated me so much because aside from "how are you doing today?" I didn't talk about his cancer at all.
A lot of very well-meaning friends and family immediately go into doom mode, and all they talk about is the illness, and frankly, the ill person is sick to death of talking about it. They suddenly become nothing more than a label and people walk on eggshells and treat them like a victim, and most of them hate it.
They want to be treated like themselves, not like a diagnosis.
In all honesty, the best thing you can do for them is do your grieving in private (don't make it about you), don't treat them like a victim, and shut up about fighting it and treatment and how they feel.
Go over and gossip. Offer to clean their house (but don't be intrusive about it).
Take junk food & find a tv show you can binge watch together.
Let them talk about it if they want to, but don't bring it up other than "how you doin?" If they say "fine" - good, take it at that and talk about something else.
If they are having a long time off work, they can make an income protection claim via their super; if they return to work part time, the insurance will make up the hours. They can also contact Centrelink & Cancer Council to find out what they may be entitled to - carers to come in etc.
But unless it is your spouse it's not for you to do unless they ask for your help with it. Give them the info, but don't try to take over.