Hi all,
I’ve been married nearly 20 years. Tonight my husband said I should make more of an effort in our marriage and start wearing makeup when he comes home. I’ll add I’ve never worn makeup during the day and only ever worn it for special occasions or nights out.
He also said I should change how I dress as he feels I am not making an effort and am dressing like his grandmas would have done.
I’m at a loss with his comments. I know I need to lose some weight (put it in after losing my dad, injuries and mental health issues), but I feel like I’ve been completely dismissed tonight when trying to talk to him. Apparently I need to make an effort and he should start buying clothes for me.
How is it that in the space of being home 3 hours, I feel completely belittled, demeaned and just flat out disrespected for being myself?
I know that relationships take to two to work, but how do I go ahead in my marriage after being made to feel like a 2 year old who has no say in the marriage. It feels like I have been issued an ultimatum. Wear makeup and dress how I want or the marriage is done
Just for context, all my clothes he is talking about come from jeans west or just jeans
Marriage
Marriage
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
13 Replies
He’s a pig and how dare he tell you what to wear or how to dress. Something has changed and my guess he is having an affair. He is preparing to guilt you and claim an affair is your fault for these reasons. If it’s not that then he’s living in a fantasy land watching too much porn or something different. You don’t just come out with things like this. If my husband tried to tell me to do any of these things, I’d tell him to go Jump. Don’t let him make you doubt yourself. I’d actually leave or kick him out, if this was his ultimatum. What an idiot!
How many of us saw this as an immediate massive red flag that he's either having or contemplating an affair 😔 Please trust your intuition OP 🙏
Me straight up!
This is very controlling and manipulating.
I'd like to know what his grandma looks like because mine is 75 and I have not ever seen her wear something as casual and modern as jeans lol.
The petty bitch in me would be tempted to go to Supré, buy the most outrageous teeny bopper outfit I could find, rock up at his work dressed in my new outfit to ask him if this is what he meant by "putting in more effort".
Seriously though, this isn't about you. It's about him and his stupid ego.
A lot of men can't seem to understand that their wives won't look like they're 21 forever. Zero concept of the fact they are also aging and absolutely fuck the fact that men don't seem to be held to these shitty double standards. Men can slob around in old crappy Jack Daniels t-shirt they've had since 2002 and no one bats an eye but a woman wears comfy clothes she's let herself go or she's lazy and doesn't put in any effort anymore, like our whole purpose on this earth is just to be aesthetically pleasing.
Tell your husband he hurt your feelings. Tell him that expecting to come home to you dressed like a model everyday is neither fair or realistic. Tell him you have the right to wear whatever you feel good in, you are your own person with your own autonomy.
If he wants someone he can control and dress up like a Barbie doll, he's free to go and find someone willing to fulfil that role but make it known that you will not be reduced to that!
Buy him a blow up doll.
Comes with make up painted on and he can dress it however he wants.
Bet he ain't looking the same after 20 years.
Firstly if you are comfortable in what you wear, stuff him. He is putting self doubt in your head and knocking your confidence. I’d be questioning, why is he coming out with this now? Continue to live your make up free and dress life with out his pig headed ass in it!
You go ahead by standing up for yourself, using your voice and tell him that if he doesn’t like it, he knows where the door is.
Just for context, my clothes vary from Kmart, Target, Op shops, jeans west, potmans, witchery etc.
It's not about your make up.
It's not about your clothes.
It's not about you.
It's about your husband completely and utterly disrespecting you.
What I would question is why he is coming up with this crap? What is he doing/watching on his phone. Because no decent man will give a crap about something this trivial. There are some underlying issues with him. But that's on him. That is NOT on you.
My response would have been "This is a you problem and does not have anything to do with me. When you want to speak to me the way a real gentleman would then try again". Then I would fight the urge to stick my middle finger up in his disgusting face and walk away.
I’m sorry to say but I think that there is a bigger picture going on here and he is hiding something from you. Shifting some blame, to try to ease his guilt for possibly being up to no good behind your back. This is the first thing that I thought of when reading this. It doesn’t matter where your clothes are from. This is planting a seed in your mind, to doubt yourself when he is possibly up to no good. I’d be watching him closely if I was you, with eyes wide open & any other changes in his behaviours. Don’t put up with it. Who does he think he is?
Start buying up big
Taking more time for yourself
If the relationship is on the way out he is giving you a new wardrobe
But yeah not nice
… my thoughts is that he met someone and see how well put together she is and how much effort she’s making in her appearance and he is attracted to her maybe even flirting with her wondering why you’re not more like her. What he doesn’t see why is that she doesn’t have to put up with what you have to in the past 20 years of marriage. The home you’ve built, the failures endured, the family, the fights just all the shit that comes with a long term relationship. The saying goes the girl he compares you with is the one he found that 1% he thought you were missing forgetting all the while you’ve always been that 99% he first fell in love with. Marriage counselling for sure