Hi all,
I’ve been in a relationship for close to a year. We get along amazingly well when it’s just us. Our children (same age) get along well but we haven’t spent too much time together.
But he is 9yrs older. It hasn’t been an issue for me until recently when we go out with his friends.
Some of his friends he has had casual hooks up with but are pleasant towards me.
When out with his friends he acknowledges my existence but leaves me for the entire time to chat to others- people I don’t know well, and doesn’t join in the conversation I’m in.
We go to places that are all much older in patrons.
Is it just my insecurities? Does age become an issue?
What is your advice?
Is age an issue?
Is age an issue?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
6 Replies
9 years isn't even a big age gap but talk to him about how he treats you when you're out as that would be an issue for me
9 year age gap is nothing if you aren’t in younger than your early 20s.
It sounds like his behaviour and care towards you when you are out at events with his friends is the problem.
I won't say older men because men from any age can be like this (and women!) But sounds as though he's a bit old fashioned with traditional socializing and you both go off to socialize with your own gender or people in common. A bit like "I'm going to talk about things you don't know about so just stay here and talk about nails and eyelashes". If this is the case you will probably find he has other traditional ideas about gender roles which cause a problem when it comes to living together and having kids. I would slyly keep an eye on that and get his views on parenting, household chores, etc etc. It's best to find out now rather than later.
Doesn't really seem like an age issue... my husband and I are 9 months apart in age. I barely talk to him when we're in a group. I like people and chat to everyone. This man might like talking to everyone and trusts you to be able to talk to people on your own? 1 on 1 is the norm in a relationship.... it shouldn't stop other relationships from existing
That’s not really a huge age gap. Maybe it it was 12-15 years but that’s not too bad. Speak to him and let him know that you feel a bit awkward being left. I’d be more uncomfortable with being around the ex hook ups. He is prob a social person. I am when I drink and I like to wonder off on my own and chat to everyone.
My partner is 9 years older... infact, he's a baby in terms of the age gaps iv had, with 21 years being the biggest gap.
He probably thinks he's doing you a favour by giving you alone time to engage with his friends and build friendships with them. Just tell him, that you would like it, if he included you more in his conversations with them, to help you feel more welcome.
Age gaps are only an issue, if you let it be. Perhaps ask you partner to double date, have one of them over for a BBQ, go play pool.