Hi All.
I have a question about Dirty talk. My husband and I have been married for 19 years this year. Dirty talk has always been an issue in our sex life.
I am no prude. I do enjoy it and do dirty talk during sex (even though I’m not great at it and it sometimes makes me uncomfortable - I’m not an overly sexual person).
In particular he enjoys talk about 3somes/4somes/orgies BUT … my husband gets turned on when I include people we know….. not strangers/randoms. He often asks me to include friends or people we know - he wants me to pick the names, he doesn’t suggest people - and I absolutely HATE it. I feel like I’m betraying people I know!! I use to “get around it” by including people that we know but are no longer in our lives to try and compromise but that’s not good enough!!! It’s a hard no from me - it makes me feel uncomfortable - but he doesn’t seem to understand.
Am I a prude for not indulging in his fantasy??? He thinks I’m being unfair by not just doing it!! Any suggestions on dirty talking?? Or what I can say to him to help him understand why I don’t like it??? TIA
5 Replies
Whoa, what in the world.. if my partner suggested this I would tell him to go jump. No way would I be catering to his fantasy about our friends. If he builds the fantasy up enough is he likely to act on it??
In every sexual act we all have our boundaries and he is crossing yours. I would be letting him know it is starting to turn you off. I would also consider compromising about some dirty talk but again within what feels comfortable.
Maybe dressing up and being in character may be more your theme e.g. teacher or nurse. Can still spice it up without involving friends. I am sure there is something that could work better than this!
You are not here for his gratification, remember to honour your own values etc. You deserve it.
NO WAY!
Oh I’m so sorry, that this is happening. That’s such a turn off for me.
You are not a prude, at all!
I would not be ok with sexualising friends. It’s gross to me and it’s something I’d be drawing a firm boundary on. It would be my hill to die on, so to speak.
You are allowed to not participate in things that turns him on. Just like I’m allowed to say no to anal! If he pressures you, you both need to have a discussion about consent.
I think you should watch this video on consent and see, if you are really consenting or he is coercing you.
https://youtu.be/fGoWLWS4-kU
I hate the term prude or vanilla etc. People should not be shamed for having sexual boundaries!
You're allowed to be uncomfortable with this and you are allowed to draw a hard line in the sand here. Tell him directly that dirty talking about people you know makes you uncomfortable and you will no longer be taking part in it. End of story.
Ummmm Geezus eeek this is a worry! No way in hell would I go this yuk. Tell him to go f himself
That’s actual sickening and you need to use your voice and say enough is enough. You aren’t no prude, he’s just Grose