I have caught my partner sexting another woman, some random he does not know. Pictures were involved and graphic details, he has apologised but right now it being so fresh, I can't seem to believe him. I don't know if we can get passed this and move on or even if I want to. I need time but all this has seemed to put a blur on my day to day life. Please no judgement he is a fantastic father to our children and I want to believe him that it won't happen again. How do i get that trust back? Anybody been though similar and came of the other side? I want to try make things work, want to aleast give it a chance. Thankyou I needed a vent cause I have no one else to vent to or ask!
12 Replies
He needs to prove himself and earn your trust back. It’s not up to you to do the work and it takes as long as it takes.
How do you do that then apologise?! Be strong, if he was sorry he wouldn’t have done it. That’s not the only time, it’s not an accident!
Words are easy. Actions, not so much.
Is he willing to try to gain your trust back without any promise of it working.
Is he going to be patient for a long as it takes, without resorting to "just get over it already" statements where he makes you believe it's your fault?
If he was a wonderful father he wouldn’t put his children’s whole worlds at risk of being turned upside down. This is your decision and the rest is on him. From experience don’t stay for the children’s sake. And before anyone attacks me I’d have the same response for a male that was cheated on. Cheating is reckless and the children were not thought of in that moment. That’s not being a great parent.
He's only sorry he was caught . He'd still be playing his dirty little games otherwise.
Sorry love, but he's not sorry . Next time , he will just be smarter about it and you'll have no idea .
I have been here and in my experience they don't change 21 years I put up with it we went to counselling and everything he promised he cried he did it all. In my situation he never changed and eventually he got gamer and it became physical cheating. If I could go back i would leave but that's just me
He can continue to be a good Dad even if you aren’t together. But only you can decide whether you think you can trust him again. Is he sorry he did it, or sorry he got caught? I’m m sorry you are feeling this way xo
My husband did similar years ago. It didn’t go as far as sexting graphic things, just messaging another woman. You CAN work it out if he’s willing to do the work. My hubby did apologise and promised never to do it again. He hasn’t. We are still together…. BUT… it will always be at the back of your mind. It’s up to you if you want to live with that. I think if my hubbys messages were sexual and graphic I probably wouldn’t have hung around. That’s just too much. Maybe have a break, take some time to yourself. Show him this is unacceptable! Be a strong independent woman!!!! If he really wants to work it out with you he will. Good luck xx
People say he’s only saying sorry bc he was caught. But if he just brushed it off and didn’t say sorry he’d be an ass!. So many ppl say leave etc but 90% wouldnt if it were them. You can work on it, earn trust back, and at least try, and if you can’t get past it least you know you tried. Have passwords to each other’s phones, no phones in showers toilets etc just start off with limits and openness to prove him self. If he’s sorry he’ll gladly comply.
People can change, yes a lot don’t and some cheat after being caught, but some also learn and stop.
You know what’s best for you and your family.
yes i have been through similar, just recently. still trying to figure it all out. i don’t trust him anymore and it has ruined everything. i will eventually leave him but there is a lot to work out first and we are going to counselling. people can give you their opinions and tell you what they would do but until it happens to you, you really have no idea.
all the best to you and what ever decision you make.
i would be interested to know what you end up doing.
We were in this exact situation a couple years ago, except I was the one sexting. I was in a bad place mentally and I liked the attention I was getting. I hurt my husband deeply and seeing him so hurt, hurt me. It took time and I had to prove myself but we're better than even now.
It was a stupid mistake, one that I'll never make again. We're all human and sometime we make dumb decisions. If he's truly remorseful, give him a chance to prove himself to you. But make it clear that this is his one and only strike.
I’ve been through the same and it was up to him to earn my trust back, actions speak louder than words, it took a lot of time but we are good now. I also had therapy to talk it out because once I forgave for me it stopped playing on my mind and wouldn’t enter any future disagreements.